Can You Really Be Friends With Benefits? (Part II)

"Friends with benefits."

"No strings attached."

"Keeping it casual."

Whatever you call it, it's probably crossed your mind. But can it actually work, or is it just a plot device used in cheesy romantic comedies churned out by the Hollywood machine?

In Part I, we talked about a few of the pros and cons of FwB arrangements, and I shared my opinion that yes, it can happen, though I can't guarantee that it will always be easy. Now lets take a closer look at FwB relationships, at the nitty-gritty details of exactly what it takes to make them work:

1. Be honest. This is first on the list because it's the most important. If you want an FwB arrangement to work out, all parties involved must be honest and straightforward from the outset. Be completely upfront about what you want (and what you don't) and what your feelings are, so that no awkward surprises are waiting around the corner. If you're considering the relationship because you're hoping it will evolve into something more, don't get involved. It's rare that an FwB situation turns into a more serious relationship, so don't put yourself through the unnecessary heartache of wanting it to.
2. Know thyself. The honesty policy extends to your own mind as well. Know exactly what you want out of the relationship, and exactly what you don't want. When you've defined the relationship for yourself, communicate your needs clearly, and have the courage to say "no" when you know that an FwB arrangement won't work for you.
3. Evaluate with a critical eye. Things can change (sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse), so take stock of your FwB arrangement on a regular basis. Be aware of what's going on in the relationship, notice the ways in which it changes, and adapt accordingly. If it appears that both of you are taking it more seriously, move forward together. If it becomes apparent that one person is developing feelings while the other is not, take initiative and end the relationship.
4. Go with your gut. There are almost never right or wrong answers when it comes to romantic and sexual entanglements - relationships are all about intuition. Trust that you know what's best for you, and follow your heart.

And lastly, remember to put the friendship first. It's in the name - a friends with benefits arrangement would be nothing without the friendship in the first place. Asking someone to take things to the next level - but not quite all the way - can lead to misunderstandings, complications, hurt feelings, and, worst-case scenario, the end of a friendship. The best way to avoid disaster is to put the friendship first, and err on the side of caution if you think that taking things further will jeopardize it.