Breaking the Stereotypes of Online Dating
- Saturday, September 22 2012 @ 09:43 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,087
Some people think that, when it comes to online dating, all they have to do is write up a profile, sit back, and let the date offers come rolling in. It rarely seems to occur to such people that if everyone is sitting back, well, who’s doing the offering? There are even those who come up with reasons to justify why they shouldn’t have to “make the first move” - and surprisingly enough, it often seems to come down to gender.
“Are you sure it’s okay for a girl to email a guy first?” asked one wide-eyed female. “It’s not the stone age!” I replied. “If you see a profile you’re interested in, email them. You probably wouldn’t be asking yourself if you should talk to someone cute you’ve spotted in public; why should this be any different?” A few males have gotten downright surly when it was suggested they try emailing more prospective matches. “Why is it always up to the guy?” one said. “I’m tired of having to make the first move.”
Yes, it does seem that online dating, while utilizing the latest technology, can be somewhat primeval when it comes to heterosexual interaction. It’s unclear why; maybe those who still view it as an “alternative” to regular dating, instead of a natural extension, think of it as something “other” and contribute a more stilted and traditional feel? At any rate, no one is going to be offended if a woman emails a man first; the men will likely be appreciative!
So, yes, online dating can be “unfair” when it comes to the fullness of one’s inbox. That being said, women don’t necessarily have it any easier. Most of the messages they receive can be considered “white noise;” they’re just garbled or lewd (or both!). It can actually make seeking those genuine messages more difficult; when four out of every five emails are white noise, you might start to glaze over and skim, rather than giving every message the consideration it deserves. Something good can get lost in the shuffle.
So, how best to shake things up and stand out from the crowd? Well, if you’re a woman, the first step is to just get out there and email! Some men are emailing ten or more women a week. If you manage even half that you’ll probably have quite a few conversations going.
If you’re a man, just try to be memorable. A memorable, easy-to-spell username (no John2042, please) is a great first step in case she deletes your email accidentally. A funny or different email subject line is the next order of business - something different from the many “heys” she probably gets. And when it comes to the email itself: don’t regurgitate your profile, don’t fawn all over her. Instead, start up a conversation. Ask questions about something specific from her profile. Think about how you’d interact in-person instead of getting scared by the formality of the written word (but avoid text-speak! You want it to sound like your voice, not your thumbs).
Sometimes the best way to get results in online dating is to stop thinking of it as online dating! Instead of viewing it as some separate, ritualized process, remember what you’re here to do: meet people, talk to them, and figure out if you’re compatible. Just because you’re not in the same room doesn’t mean you’re not in the same world.
“Are you sure it’s okay for a girl to email a guy first?” asked one wide-eyed female. “It’s not the stone age!” I replied. “If you see a profile you’re interested in, email them. You probably wouldn’t be asking yourself if you should talk to someone cute you’ve spotted in public; why should this be any different?” A few males have gotten downright surly when it was suggested they try emailing more prospective matches. “Why is it always up to the guy?” one said. “I’m tired of having to make the first move.”
Yes, it does seem that online dating, while utilizing the latest technology, can be somewhat primeval when it comes to heterosexual interaction. It’s unclear why; maybe those who still view it as an “alternative” to regular dating, instead of a natural extension, think of it as something “other” and contribute a more stilted and traditional feel? At any rate, no one is going to be offended if a woman emails a man first; the men will likely be appreciative!
So, yes, online dating can be “unfair” when it comes to the fullness of one’s inbox. That being said, women don’t necessarily have it any easier. Most of the messages they receive can be considered “white noise;” they’re just garbled or lewd (or both!). It can actually make seeking those genuine messages more difficult; when four out of every five emails are white noise, you might start to glaze over and skim, rather than giving every message the consideration it deserves. Something good can get lost in the shuffle.
So, how best to shake things up and stand out from the crowd? Well, if you’re a woman, the first step is to just get out there and email! Some men are emailing ten or more women a week. If you manage even half that you’ll probably have quite a few conversations going.
If you’re a man, just try to be memorable. A memorable, easy-to-spell username (no John2042, please) is a great first step in case she deletes your email accidentally. A funny or different email subject line is the next order of business - something different from the many “heys” she probably gets. And when it comes to the email itself: don’t regurgitate your profile, don’t fawn all over her. Instead, start up a conversation. Ask questions about something specific from her profile. Think about how you’d interact in-person instead of getting scared by the formality of the written word (but avoid text-speak! You want it to sound like your voice, not your thumbs).
Sometimes the best way to get results in online dating is to stop thinking of it as online dating! Instead of viewing it as some separate, ritualized process, remember what you’re here to do: meet people, talk to them, and figure out if you’re compatible. Just because you’re not in the same room doesn’t mean you’re not in the same world.
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