Body Language Basics: Voice And Volume

If you've followed this series from the beginning, you now understand how to interpret body language from head to toe. You can communicate using your face, shoulders, torso, arms, hands, hips, legs, and feet. You can read the hidden signals behind touch, eye movements, and body position.

What you haven't mastered yet is successful use of the most obvious form of communication: your voice. Yes, statistics show that the majority of communication is nonverbal, but that doesn't mean that we can ignore the importance of speech. In my first post on body language, I mentioned that, more often than not, "it's not what you say that really counts - it's how you say it."

So how do you say it?

• Say it slowly. Rapid speech suggests that the speaker possesses a host of negative qualities. A person who speaks in a rushed manner is either frightened, agitated, hiding something, or suffering from anxiety in social situations. Speech that is slow, on the other hand, demands attention and respect, and indicates that the speaker is secure and confident.

• Say it from the right source. Your voice has two major sources: your throat and your abdomen. When you speak with your throat, you produce a sound with a higher pitch and range, and are able to speak quickly and project sound over larger distances. When you speak using the deeper sounds created by your abdomen, the vibrations produced are felt by your listeners on an unconscious level, so what you're saying (quite literally) resonates with them on both a physical and an emotional level. When you're in the lighthearted, playful flirting stage of a date, speak using your throat. When you're ready to take things to the next level and start building a deep sense of rapport with your date, use the more powerful voice that originates in your abdomen.

• Say it with the proper inflection. There are few things more obnoxious than attempting to hold a conversation with someone who consistently ends their sentences on up-notes that make them sound like questions. We speak that way instinctively when we don't know what we're talking about, so when you do it all the time it gives the impression that you never know what you're talking about. If you're questioning yourself, why shouldn't your date do the same? Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure that's not the impression you want to leave. Instead, end your sentences with decisive down-notes to leave a positive impression that indicates that you are confident and commanding.

• Say it without the use of fillers. "Um's" and "Uh's" have no place in your conversations. Filler words imply that A) You are unsure of what you're saying, and B) You're afraid of letting silence happen. Both are problems for the reasons we discussed above: only people who lack confidence speak without assurance and are afraid to face silences. It might be uncomfortable at first, but you must learn to embrace quiet - silence is actually an extremely powerful element of communication, and it's always preferable to a collection of silly filler words.

You're almost ready to pass the final exam for Body Language 101! Join me next time for the final post in this series, in which we'll go over a few of the more complicated terms in the body language dictionary.