Body Language Basics: A Few Complex Terms

The study of body language, like the study of any other topic, involves a glossary of terms unique to the subject matter. You've already encountered some - like "eye accessing cues" and "triangulation" - but I would like to go over a few more of my personal favorites that are essential for understanding how to flirt and date effectively.

Up first: proximity. Proximity is defined by Dictionary.com as "nearness in place, time, order, occurrence, or relation." In the world of body language, proximity refers specifically to physical closeness. Modern society, in most countries, is fixated on the idea of "personal space," which means that breaking the rules and ignoring the boundaries of personal space leaves a very powerful impression.

When it comes to flirting and dating, the closer you stand to someone, the more interested you seem. Likewise, if someone is standing unusually close to you, it's safe to assume that they are attracted to you. Men frequently hover near women they are interested in while working up the courage to speak to them, and women often intentionally position themselves near men they are attracted to in hopes that the men will notice and begin talking to them, so it's wise to be aware of your surroundings at all times.

The next term is preening, a word that might not be familiar although the concept probably is. Preening, in the animal kingdom, is a kind of personal grooming, particularly common in birds that clean their feathers using their bills. In humans, preening is strongly flirtatious behavior that disguises itself as personal grooming.

Men and women are, understandably, concerned with their appearance when in the presence of someone they are attracted to, and consequently are constantly making adjustments to it. A woman is preening when she plays with her hair excessively, touches her neck and shoulders, and draws attention to her mouth by licking or biting her lips. A man is preening when he adjusts his hair or clothing, takes a wider stance, and positions himself in a way that makes him appear larger. Both genders flirt by drawing attention to the physical characteristics that make them unique: women hold their shoulders low and thrust their chests out to highlight their breasts, while men rest their hands on their hips or tuck their fingers into their belt loops or pockets to highlight their groins.

The final term I would like to review is mirroring, a body language concept that can be used to your advantage in more than just your love life. Next time you're in a social situation - of any kind - take a moment to observe your interaction closely. Are you and your conversation partner breathing at the same rate? Do you use the same volume, tone, and speed when you speak? Do you move at the same time? Are you sitting in similar positions? If one person adjusts, does the other person adjust to match?

These are all signs of mirroring, which is the replication of another person's actions in a social interaction. Mirroring is normally done without conscious awareness, but you can deliberately duplicate the patterns of movement, speech, and breathing in someone you're on a date with in order to signal your interest and build attraction in them. Just remember to be subtle about it, or you're bound to look a little strange!

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Well, there you have it...a complete rundown of the basics of body language, from head to toe. You now know everything you need to know to pass Body Language 101. You'd better start studying now, because you never know when there might be a pop quiz...