Awkward Silences in Instant Messaging
- Friday, March 09 2012 @ 09:25 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,393
Few things are more exciting than when you finally find someone with whom you have much in common. Finally, you can have deep, meaningful conversations about your interests! You can make jokes that the other person will actually understand! There’s just so much to talk about!
...Except, there isn’t always that much to talk about. Maybe you just talked yesterday, and nothing interesting has happened since then. Maybe you’re talking through instant message and you’re both preoccupied with something else. Maybe it’s just difficult to come up with a new topic. Regardless, there’s bound to be a moment (or several) where you sit in silence.
For some, this can be panicking. It’s easy to make the leap from “nothing interesting to say right now” to “they must not be interested in me at all.” However, that doesn’t mean you’re necessarily jumping to the correct conclusion. With a little bit of advanced planning, perhaps you can keep your nerves at bay.
If you’re just talking to someone new, or you’re particularly worried about awkward silences, try sticking with emails for awhile. You can edit and streamline your message, and each of you can respond in your own time. Once you’ve moved up to IM’ing, remember that it is a different mode of communication. It’s natural to feel awkward. Similar to being on a first date, it’s okay to make a joke about the awkward nature of the shift - perhaps it will break the ice.
Next, remember that if you’re dealing with instant messaging, chances are you’re both multitasking. The common etiquette for instant messaging has become quite different than talking on the phone, for instance - you’re not generally required to give your full attention, or even officially end the conversation when you’re done. Is it rude? Perhaps. But ‘disappearing’ from a messenger might have more to do with that person’s internet habits in general, and less with whether they’re interested in you.
So what to do? Consider it a bit like emailing - say something when you have something interesting or funny to share, and consider it a peaceful silence when you’re not. Instead of thinking of it as a date where you’re sitting across from one another, staring at each other, imagine you’re both in a room at your respective computers, working until you take a break to say something.
Is it possible the person you’re chatting with isn’t interested? Sure, but you can’t make those big calls based on their IM habits. If they’re not interested, they’ll make it clear eventually. In the meantime, save yourself some stress, and try not to over-analyze every moment of silence.
...Except, there isn’t always that much to talk about. Maybe you just talked yesterday, and nothing interesting has happened since then. Maybe you’re talking through instant message and you’re both preoccupied with something else. Maybe it’s just difficult to come up with a new topic. Regardless, there’s bound to be a moment (or several) where you sit in silence.
For some, this can be panicking. It’s easy to make the leap from “nothing interesting to say right now” to “they must not be interested in me at all.” However, that doesn’t mean you’re necessarily jumping to the correct conclusion. With a little bit of advanced planning, perhaps you can keep your nerves at bay.
If you’re just talking to someone new, or you’re particularly worried about awkward silences, try sticking with emails for awhile. You can edit and streamline your message, and each of you can respond in your own time. Once you’ve moved up to IM’ing, remember that it is a different mode of communication. It’s natural to feel awkward. Similar to being on a first date, it’s okay to make a joke about the awkward nature of the shift - perhaps it will break the ice.
Next, remember that if you’re dealing with instant messaging, chances are you’re both multitasking. The common etiquette for instant messaging has become quite different than talking on the phone, for instance - you’re not generally required to give your full attention, or even officially end the conversation when you’re done. Is it rude? Perhaps. But ‘disappearing’ from a messenger might have more to do with that person’s internet habits in general, and less with whether they’re interested in you.
So what to do? Consider it a bit like emailing - say something when you have something interesting or funny to share, and consider it a peaceful silence when you’re not. Instead of thinking of it as a date where you’re sitting across from one another, staring at each other, imagine you’re both in a room at your respective computers, working until you take a break to say something.
Is it possible the person you’re chatting with isn’t interested? Sure, but you can’t make those big calls based on their IM habits. If they’re not interested, they’ll make it clear eventually. In the meantime, save yourself some stress, and try not to over-analyze every moment of silence.
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