Are You a Romantic?

As much as we like romantic movies and seeing the handsome hero chase after the beautiful girl, these stories have also skewed our perception of what love really means.

Many woman tend to be romantic when it comes to love, and if a guy doesn't deliver in the hearts and flowers department, all bets are off. But this thinking can be counter-productive to real, lasting relationships.

The reason? People often mistake romantic gestures as the leading sign of a good relationship. Instead of two individuals creating a partnership together, romantics tend to look at relationships as something to be pursued and won. They expect their love lives to be filled with non-stop passion or they aren't satisfied. Some even create drama to keep the emotions running high. But this isn't sustainable in the long run.

I'm not suggesting that relationships become robotic with no passion or romance - quite the opposite. I believe that real love comes from a sense of shared adventure, mutual respect, support, and love from each partner, rather than a sense of being rescued or chased or in a constant flux between emotional highs and lows.

Romantics view relationships in unhealthy ways, and then are disappointed that their love lives are not what they'd hoped. For example, a romantic might say:

• A man should wine and dine me, sweep me off my feet.
• Passion and romance are the only way a man can show me he loves me.
• If he doesn't work to win my affection, then he'll get bored and move on. So I keep him guessing about how I feel.
• A man should know what makes me happy without me telling him.
• I expect my man to buy me expensive things to show his love.

When you let go of this idealized thinking about your love interest, it leads to a happier love life. You can retrain your thinking by giving yourself a little perspective. Here's a healthier, more realistic approach:

• I love a man with passion and a sense of adventure, who likes to go with the flow and see where an evening takes us, whether it's out for a picnic or a bike ride in the country.
• When a man I'm attracted to is showing me affection, I like to let him know I feel the same way with small gestures, like grabbing his hand or kissing him over the dining table.
• Nobody's a mind reader. If I want to be heard or have my needs met, I will be open and communicate with my partner.
• Expensive gifts don't equal love - thoughtful gestures, like giving me a card when you know I'm down, go a lot further in showing me how you feel.

Romance is an exciting part of any relationship. But letting go of unrealistic expectations so you can enjoy true and lasting love, is even better.