Apology Neither Desired Nor Required

Let me tell you a story about “Robert.” Robert is on the dating scene for the first time in years. As sometimes happens when one is in a long-term relationship, Robert became a little complacent in his eating and exercise habits, and is perhaps a little more solid than the last time he was on the market. Now, to most outside eyes, he was in fine shape; the extra thirty or forty pounds didn’t make that much of a difference, and since most of his pictures were from the neck up, you couldn’t even tell a difference between an older, slimmer picture and a new one. But Robert was anxious - so anxious, he felt the need to address it in his profile.

And address it he did. He explained that he’d put on some weight and was working to take it off. He made a few jokes about the subject: for example, he said that his “value” would only go up, and for now he was a “bargain.”

Now, did Robert handle that in the worst possible way? Maybe not - but he didn’t need to address it all. Now he’s drawn attention to his extra pounds when they might have slipped by, and he’s made himself appear insecure, which might be a red flag for some. Robert isn’t really all that obsessed with his weight from day to day, but his anxiety over his profile is painting a far more unflattering picture than a few extra pounds.

So what should you do if you’re like Robert? What if, like him, you want the reader to know you’re working on improving yourself? As with almost anything else, the key here is to give it a positive spin. Talk about how you’ve gotten into eating healthily, or that you’re really enjoying your new exercise regimen. Your readers aren’t dumb; they’ll understand that there are various benefits from new lifestyle choices. Most importantly, you don’t need to address weight or numbers, or apologize for yourself.

Something else that Robert did, that we should all avoid, is making promises. Maybe you will lose your few pounds down the road; maybe you won’t. The fact is, you’re looking for someone who is compatible with you in the here and now, not fifteen pounds from now. Chances are, someone truly compatible will like you no matter what you weigh, so why try to lure in someone so superficial they have to be mollified with the promise of improvement?

So maybe you’re not a supermodel; few people are. As you sit down to write your own profile, try not to focus on the most superficial layer of your personality. Remember that whatever flaws we think we have are dramatically exaggerated in our own minds; self-confidence, a genuine smile, and a kind heart will do far more for anyone’s attractiveness than losing or gaining a few pounds.