A Person, Not a Present
- Friday, July 08 2011 @ 08:47 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,455
Nearly everyone wants to have a special someone, someone with whom they can share all the good and bad moments of life. While the majority of people are aware that what they’re searching for is a partner, a companion, a human being, a sad truth is that the search for a significant other often becomes more important than thinking about the actual person you want to find. And this dehumanizing of potential matches can occur even more easily in online dating.
In general, the world of dating tends to objectify everyone. We speak of the search for someone special in terms like “fishing” and “hunting.” We view everyone else as competition. We commonly use deception, whether it’s fudging our weight or our age, or wearing clothes, makeup and more to present a less-than-accurate version of our everyday self. Some even have specific, “scientific” rules for talking to someone they’re interested in, following a flow chart instead of the flow of conversation.
Online dating can take dehumanization one step further, if we’re not careful; since your first “meeting” is with an online profile, it becomes all the more easy to reject someone for a superficial flaw, or send a scathing rejection email without thinking of the person at the other end of the line. Writing a profile can become an exercise in getting as many responses as possible, instead of writing a profile that attracts someone who is compatible to you.
However, simply being aware of the tendency to objectify can stop all dehumanizing in its tracks. Remember that you’re looking for a best friend. A significant other is not a prize, or a present; it’s a relationship, an equal. You’re on the hunt for the best match for you, not punching the dating pool clock to get a reward for your time.
So as you sit down to check the status of your online dating profile, try not to think of success rates and ratios. How many new people have you met? How many personalities seem right for you? It’s often when you’re not focused on the numbers that true success creeps up on you.
In general, the world of dating tends to objectify everyone. We speak of the search for someone special in terms like “fishing” and “hunting.” We view everyone else as competition. We commonly use deception, whether it’s fudging our weight or our age, or wearing clothes, makeup and more to present a less-than-accurate version of our everyday self. Some even have specific, “scientific” rules for talking to someone they’re interested in, following a flow chart instead of the flow of conversation.
Online dating can take dehumanization one step further, if we’re not careful; since your first “meeting” is with an online profile, it becomes all the more easy to reject someone for a superficial flaw, or send a scathing rejection email without thinking of the person at the other end of the line. Writing a profile can become an exercise in getting as many responses as possible, instead of writing a profile that attracts someone who is compatible to you.
However, simply being aware of the tendency to objectify can stop all dehumanizing in its tracks. Remember that you’re looking for a best friend. A significant other is not a prize, or a present; it’s a relationship, an equal. You’re on the hunt for the best match for you, not punching the dating pool clock to get a reward for your time.
So as you sit down to check the status of your online dating profile, try not to think of success rates and ratios. How many new people have you met? How many personalities seem right for you? It’s often when you’re not focused on the numbers that true success creeps up on you.
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