Contributed by: Jet on Thursday, October 24 2013 @ 06:40 am
Last modified on
Picture this: you’re out on a date with a doctor. At the beginning of the night, your doctor date explains that they have to keep their beeper or phone with them at all times, because they’re on call. Seems reasonable, right? As it turns out, with the lines between work and life blurring all the time, you don’t have to be dating a doctor to run into this scenario.
It’s not uncommon for people to have to be connected to some form of technology most of the time, as obligated by their profession. For most, it’s their phone; for some, an actual computer or other equipment is toted around as well. And, while for some this is an isolated issue - maybe they’re on call every once in a great while - for others it’s a regular occurrence, meaning they can’t just schedule their life such that their dates will be tech-free.
The problem is that this is a such a recent development that there aren’t hard and fast rules of etiquette. For example, what about those who don’t need to be tethered to their phones, but compulsively check social media and email anyway? How can you tell the difference between someone who’s conscientious and responsible, and someone who’s a workaholic? If you’re the one tethered to the phone, how do you approach this without scaring off your date?
As with most situations, clear communication is the best place to start. Like the imaginary doctor date, if you’re the one toting tech, explain why right at the outset. It doesn’t hurt to be a little apologetic - it lets the date know they’re still your top priority. At the same time, though, you’re not asking for permission.
Next, do your very best to be in the moment with your date, and not focused on work. Instead of double-checking for emails every two minutes, set an alert that’s audible or vigorously vibrating; that way, you can be confident you’ll get the message, and you won’t have to continuously break eye contact. You’re also sending the message that you know how to set boundaries between your work and your social life.
If your date is the one with the phone welded to them, try to be sympathetic; not everyone can clock out right as the sun sets. Unfortunately, it’s really hard to tell whether your date is overly consumed with their job in the space of one date, so try not to place too much weight on the presence of the phone. Instead, focus on other aspects: how’s the conversation? Do you have a spark of chemistry? However, if your date’s job consumes every consecutive date, or prohibits you from even scheduling another, it might be time to have a talk.
Technology is an integral part of our lives today, and there’s no reason why it should hinder our relationships, even as they’re just blossoming. However, communication - between each other - and mutual respect are the keys to making it all work.