Contributed by: Jet on Friday, November 22 2013 @ 06:42 am
Last modified on
There are two common problems in online dating profiles. The first is sarcasm; the second is blunt honesty. Neither of these are a surprise; what is a surprise is that they’re essentially the same problem - with a very similar solution.
There’s nothing wrong with the concept of sarcasm in general. Dry wit can be very funny, and usually when people call themselves sarcastic they’re envisioning a sense of humor that is smart and sharp and, well, funnier than most people. They likely view it as an asset.
However, that’s not always the actual message they’re sending. “Sarcasm” can be abrasive, hurtful, and cynical. It can be a way for someone to be out-and-out mean whilst trying to avoid any consequences (“Sheesh, don’t you understand sarcasm?”). And even if they temper the sharp edges of their humor in person, it can often seem worse on a profile - you’re lacking the kind eyes, the softer delivery, the smile or goofy face, the tone of voice. Everything seems harder in writing.
Honesty is much the same. In general, honesty is a wonderful quality to have. Those who are honest are generally proud of it. They see themselves as genuine, compassionate, someone with integrity.
But honesty can be misused as well, and it can come across negatively on a profile - again because you’re lacking additional context. Perhaps the writer has the best “bedside manner” when it comes to delivering a hard truth, but all you see in the profile is, “I’m not afraid to tell it like it is.” In person, you might believe that someone really cares and respects their friends and the greater truth; on paper, they might look more like someone who enjoys delivering painful news.
Both qualities can come across as harsher than intended on a profile, because they’re both subtle arts - skills that require sensitivity, elements of tone and facial expression. You can’t really include that in a profile. However, if these are qualities that really help define you - ones that you absolutely must talk about - try to soften the writing as much as humanly possible. It may seem like overkill, but your true sense of humor or genuine personality will probably be immediately apparent upon meeting; try not to shoot yourself in the foot first, with a profile that’s less compassionate or funny than you intended.