Contributed by: Jet on Monday, October 21 2013 @ 06:50 am
Last modified on
Despite the fact that online dating has become increasingly popular in recent years, traces of stigma remain. One such block to progress can be rather insidious; you might have encountered it and not even known it. It goes something like this: “I suppose I’ll try online dating. If nothing else, I’ll get some funny stories out of it.”
Now, on the one hand, this could be interpreted totally innocently: theoretically you could apply that logic to anything in life. Indeed, one could say that it’s a healthy perspective - that the journey, the “stories,” the lessons you’ve learned even on dates that don’t result in a long-term relationship, were what was most important.
However, that’s not really what everyone means when they say that, and the alternative is somewhat darker and more disturbing. For some, online dating is still viewed as something alien, not like “regular” dating at all. And they’re buying into a movie cliche: they think that if their little “experiment” fails, at least they’ll be entertained by whatever scum the site dredged up for them.
Granted, these are two interpretations on opposite ends of a spectrum; most people who make these statements probably fall somewhere in the middle. But leaning towards that “dark” end of the spectrum can be problematic, even subconsciously. On some level, they’re anticipating one of two outcomes: a date that’s out of a fairy tale, or a date that’s out of a comedy (someone to be mocked later). In either case, they’re not really thinking of their date as a unique human being; they’re thinking of them as someone who will fill one of two roles.
Most people don’t want to view others so callously, and in fact they may be resorting to that point of view as a defense mechanism - a caricature isn’t intimidating or worth getting nervous about. But even with a good person at the core, if you’re viewing your potential date as a caricature, how can you properly assess whether there’s chemistry? How can you be fully invested in the date?
The good news is, most people simply think of online dating in this way when they’re talking themselves into signing up or emailing. Once they’re actually in person on their date, they can see that they’re not playing some role, and they’re not reading from a predictable script; reality takes over naturally. But it doesn’t hurt to ask yourself, or others: how do you really view your prospective matches? Do you really appreciate the journey, or are you expecting - one way or the other - a movie cliche?