Contributed by: ElyseRomano on Sunday, July 26 2015 @ 08:16 am
Last modified on
People say “there are plenty of fish in the sea,” but sometimes the online dating sea feels more like a swamp. You encounter creature after creature, stumble through quicksand, and occasionally find a rare flower amongst the moss and mold.
When you do find one of the eligible ones, the pressure's on. What's the best way to break the ice so they don't run away, thinking you're one of the swamp creatures? A study[*1] published in Evidence Based Medicine may have the answer.
Scientists from Barts, the London School of Medicine, and The University of North Texas teamed up to uncover the secrets of the perfect online dating profile. They performed a meta-analysis of 86 psychology, sociology, computer, and behavioral studies, and compiled surprisingly specific guidelines for expert online dating.
Conversations beginning with open-ended questions consistently had the highest response rates. Open-ended questions allow the recipient to choose from many possible answers, thereby keeping the conversation flowing. A simple yes or no question, on the other hand, stalls the conversation as soon as it's answered.
Initial exchanges also fared better when response times were quick. That may come as a surprise to those who are worried about appearing over-eager. Speedy replies were not a turn off, so no need to keep a date waiting.
In news that isn't surprising, messages that included spontaneous wit and humor were well received, as were messages that disclosed personal information. The former puts the recipient in a good mood, exerting a powerful influence on the way they imagine they will feel with you in the future. The latter makes them feel closer to you.
Generic messages are not advised, nor is overt flattery. Potential dates want to feel special, so avoid the cut and paste, but we are also not inclined to accept compliments we don't think are credible. Strike a balance somewhere in between.
End every conversation on a positive note. We're hardwired to remember the end of an experience better than the beginning or the middle, so we judge the pleasure of an experience based primarily on its conclusion. That's the best time to reveal positive things about yourself.
Do not wait too long to turn an online chat into a face-to-face meeting. An earlier switch is associated with better outcomes.
First impressions really do count. Keep the first conversation fun and honest, because that's how your match will think of you during future exchanges, and get offline as soon as you feel comfortable.