Contributed by: Jet on Friday, December 20 2013 @ 08:29 pm
Last modified on
There’s no question that there’s something personal, even intimate, about the idea of the anonymity of the Internet. When no one knows who you really are, you’re free to be whomever you like - whether that’s someone completely out of character for you or your most genuine self. It can be easy to share truths and secrets.
For some, this is the sort of relationship they have in mind when they think of online dating - two people falling in love, perhaps via long distance, maybe even never seeing one another, but getting to know the “true self” of their true love. Perhaps there are success stories out there that have unfolded along these lines, especially in the earlier days of the internet.
However, that’s not really what one should expect from online dating today. In today’s world, the internet is hardly anonymous - and neither is love, for that matter.
The point of an online dating website is to find someone with whom you want to meet, not to fall in love with a faceless, nameless avatar. Once you meet in person, you determine whether there truly is compatibility, and you begin the time-tested process of getting to know one another. In general, you don’t spend months exchanging emails; indeed, you’re less vulnerable to scams and wasted energy (what if there’s no spark in person?) that way.
The problem is, many people still think of the “old,” anonymous internet when they write their profiles. No, you don’t need to give hard details about your address or place of work (that wouldn’t be safe, either), but you have to remember that your profile is not an online journal message magically sent to your future love; it’s a posting that will be read by anyone, including people you’ll potentially meet soon. It’s one thing to bare your soul and your insecurities to your diary; it’s another thing to unload this on someone you’ve just met.
As you construct your profile, imagine you’re chatting with someone you’ve just met. Is it the time to bring up past baggage? Maybe not yet. Is it appropriate to reveal intimate, romantic details or fantasies? Perhaps you’ll want to at least wait until your first in-person meeting. What about your most secret hopes and dreams?
Well, perhaps when you meet someone you truly spark with, you will want to share all those details and more immediately. However, your profile is not written for the eyes of only one person; it’s written for anyone who comes along. Nor is it entirely anonymous; it might be read by a friend of a friend who recognizes you, or a neighbor, or a co-worker. You might be writing for your future match, but you’re reaching a much wider audience.