Contributed by: Jet on Thursday, January 02 2014 @ 07:04 am
Last modified on
Let’s say you (Person #1) are on a first date, and you know there’s probably no spark there. Nothing personal, but you don’t seem to have as much in common as you both thought you would, and physically there just doesn’t seem to be anything between you. You’re just two polite people making small talk at this point.
And then it happens. Your date says something that leaves an opening. An opening to something you’re passionate about. And you decide that maybe the evening isn’t a waste after all. Sure, you’re not interested in romance, but maybe you can impart some wisdom on this particular subject.
Now let’s imagine the same scenario from the other perspective - that of your date, Person #2. The beginning is much the same - polite people with polite small talk. Not the best night of your life, but not the worst. But then it happens. You make an innocuous comment, and the eyes of your date light up with zeal.
The next twenty minutes are spent listening to a pitch. Maybe it’s to convert to their religion, or political viewpoint. Maybe it’s health or diet related. Maybe they want you to join their pyramid scheme or cosmetics party or timeshare. You’re left feeling ambushed, wondering if this was the point to the date the entire time. The date is quickly gaining rank as one of the worst ever.
In reality, there was no ulterior motive to the date - it’s simply that Person #1 lost sight of the point of date. Romance was no longer an option, so they stopped being on “their best behavior” and missed the fact that their soapbox rant was not really appropriate for this setting or audience.
This is really where many dates go wrong - when we’re not actively trying to woo someone. The manners slip, or someone gets too comfortable, and then the true colors show.
On the one hand, this is a blessing in disguise - clearly the people on this date were not meant to be, and it’s better to see someone’s true character sooner rather than later. On the other hand, this date was going nowhere from the start; now a pleasant, if bland evening has been turned into something far more awkward.
As you go out on your first dates, don’t give up on your “best first impression” persona just because you know you haven’t found love - it’s not fair to your date. While your passion may be exciting to someone who’d make a good match, it’s not always appropriate in a small-talk date setting. Additionally, it never hurts to monitor your behavior at any time - wouldn’t you rather be with someone whose “sloppy” self was still considerate and polite?