Letting Go of Your Inner Critic in Dating
Contributed by: kellyseal on Thursday, June 23 2016 @ 11:27 am
Last modified on
Our unique perspectives are not only shaped by our experiences, friends, and family, but also by how we perceive the world. You know that little voice in your head that likes to boss you around, or tell you what you should or shouldn’t be doing?
That’s your inner critic, and it likes to hang in the background, reminding you of what is “right” – and how you might have screwed something up. In fact, you probably don’t even realize it’s there – it has become such a constant part of your life.
This little voice is constantly assessing, judging, and advising you. On the flip side, that same little voice is also judging other people you come across – what they are wearing, what they say, how they come across, or even how they are living their lives. This is especially true when dating. If you want to find a partner, you can count on the fact that your inner critic has a say.
We all want to be free to live our lives without judgment or criticism, but often, that judgment we feel comes from within. When you find yourself judging someone else, chances are you are assuming the other person is judging you, even if they aren’t. This is especially true in dating.
You’ve likely been on dates when that inner critic is talking and taking control. Perhaps it points out all of your date’s flaws – his receding hairline, his clothing, the way he speaks, or maybe even the drink he orders. But while you might think it’s a good thing to notice potential issues to minimize any looming disaster, or to avoid wasting time with someone who isn’t right, that little voice is pulling you away from the moment. It is cramping your freedom and fun.
And if your inner critic has picked apart your date, chances are it is unleashing on you, too. It might ask why you are talking so much, or what a mistake you made by choosing a certain restaurant to meet, or even criticizing you for wearing your boots instead of a pair of heels. It’s exhausting.
So how do you ignore that inner critic? It’s not easy – we often fall back into familiar patterns without realizing it. The important thing is to pay attention, and recognize when that inner critic starts talking. You can tell when this happens, because it sounds something like this:
- He has a weird laugh
- She keeps interrupting me
- Why would he pick this place? The food is awful.
- She’s not my type
When you hear the voice start to criticize your date, take a deep breath and let it go. Focus on something you find likeable or attractive about your date. If nothing else, suggest taking a walk together for a change of scenery. Bring yourself back into the present moment.
Not every date is going to be great, but if you stop letting your inner critic take control, the whole dating experience will be much less frustrating, and much more fun.