Contributed by: kellyseal on Friday, December 27 2013 @ 10:46 am
Last modified on
Dating is a tricky thing. People have different views on what's acceptable and what's not, but they don't always communicate it. After all, would you feel comfortable saying that you want exclusivity on a second or third date? Probably not. But when you avoid the hard conversations with your dates in order to just be casual and have fun, you might be sending the wrong message.
For instance, if you're a woman who enjoys meeting men, do you have an obligation to tell a man you've been dating for a month that you don't want to be exclusive? Or is it better to wait until he brings it up to you?
Many people opt for the latter, because they are afraid to have the serious conversations. They are afraid being truthful will mean they might have to give up something that's easy and fun.
But dating requires us to be truthful in order to have a real relationship. If you're hiding what you want, you aren't doing anybody any favors. People deserve to know where they stand, even if it means breaking things off.
Let's look at a few examples:
Jack and Simone - they have been dating for two months. Simone is also sleeping with her co-worker, but she doesn't consider this a "real" relationship, just a convenience. She doesn't want to give her co-worker up in case her new relationship doesn't work out, but recently he's been wanting more than just a casual fling. Should she come clean with both of them?
You can see why Simone might be hesitant. She stands to lose both dates by telling them she's not interested in being exclusive just yet. Her co-worker could be angry that she was dating at all, especially if she wasn't clear about her intentions with him. And if she is ready to take her new relationship to the next level? She has to risk potentially losing her new guy, too. He might not want to be exclusive, but she owes it to herself to be clear about what she wants and to communicate it.
Anna and Caleb - Anna has been dating a few men she met online for the last several weeks. She likes them all, and figures she should keep dating all of them until they fall out. Steve is really handsome and charming, Rob is really energetic and creative, and then there's Caleb, who makes her laugh. She's most interested in Caleb, but he's been giving off a vibe that he's not really the monogamous type. She and Caleb haven't discussed their relationship at all, but she assumes he's seeing other women and she wants to leave her options open, too.
When you're dating, you're still in the process of getting to know someone, so there's no need to rush into a relationship. However, you can't date multiple people without being honest with all of them. If she really wants to continue dating all of them, she has to tell them she's dating other people, and let them decide whether or not to continue. But even more to the point, it's important that she tell Caleb her feelings, otherwise she will continue dating him without getting her needs met. There's no point in holding on to someone if there's no chance your relationship will progress.
There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to dating, but it's most important to be honest - with the people you date and yourself.