How To Tell If Someone Is Lying To You Online

Contributed by: ElyseRomano on Sunday, June 15 2014 @ 09:59 am

Last modified on

Experts say that the vast majority of our interpersonal communication takes place via body language. When people claim that "It's not what you say, it's how you say it," they’re right. Words are important, but gestures, tone of voice, and facial expressions speak volumes more than audible language.

That means, when it comes to online dating and any other online interactions, we’re at a huge disadvantage. With so much room for ambiguity and misinterpretation, we often find ourselves wondering what is fact and what is fiction. And despite our suspicions, more often than not we choose to believe what we're told. Experts call this our "truth bias." When online dating, that means we want to believe messages from attractive potential suitors – even when we shouldn’t.

Tyler Cohen Wood, an intelligence officer and cyber branch chief at the Defense Intelligence Agency's Science and Technology Directorate, and author of the 2014 book Catching the Catfishers: Disarm the Online Pretenders, Predators and Perpetrators Who Are Out to Ruin Your Life says it’s possible to catch online liars in the act because they're often bad at it. Look for these signs:

  • Emphatic Language: Emphatic language isn't always a sign of lying, but it is an indication that the person really wants you to believe what is being said. This is also the case when a person repeats something over and over in slightly different ways. They wouldn't use emphatic language unless it was really important to them.
  • Unanswered Questions: You ask a question. The other person dodges it or changes the subject. There are other possible explanations (they may not want to hurt your feelings, or be afraid of how you will receive their answer, etc) but they could be keeping something from you.
  • Distancing Language: In person, someone may unconsciously distance themselves from another person by crossing their arms in front of their body. In writing, the same effect can be achieved by omitting personal pronouns and personal references in stories.
  • Noncommittal Statements: "Pretty sure." "Probably." "Maybe." "Must have." These noncommittal statements are all red flags that leave an escape route for the speaker.
  • Qualifying Statements: These expressions come before the most important part of the sentiment. “To be honest.” “I hate to say this.” They indicate that the person is uncomfortable with what they're going to say next.
  • Tense hopping. Someone describing an event that already happened naturally uses the past tense. But, if part of the way through the story they begin fabricating, it can often cause an unintentional switch to the present tense.

Note: Just one of these is likely a misunderstanding or an honest mistake. But if you notice multiple things on the list, then it’s time to be suspicious.

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