Contributed by: kellyseal on Tuesday, July 14 2015 @ 07:48 am
Last modified on
With online access to virtually everything, we have become accustomed to getting what we want quickly. Instead of driving from store to store, we find exactly what we need searching the Web.
Because of our ability to find anything online – including a date – we have taken this to mean that the perfect date can be made-to-order. We are no longer bound by our circles of friends and family, but have access to virtually anyone in the world we want to meet (provided they are also online). Which means we can filter out the types of people we don’t want based on age, location, political beliefs, height or weight, or any of a number of factors. But this also means that we miss out on opportunities.
Online dating is marketed as being convenient and easy – you can meet anyone with a swipe of the screen or by accepting a match. But really, dating is the same as it ever was. As I state in my book Date Expectations, meeting someone is the easy part. The next step – getting to know someone over a series of dates – is where the connection really counts. But too often, we aren’t willing to wait to get to that part. Instead, we crave instant attraction or chemistry or we walk away. There is no in-between, because it’s too easy to move on to the next person.
If we scroll through people in real life, rejecting and judging before we’ve even gotten to know them, we miss out on forming any real connections. Sure, chemistry is fantastic, but it’s not lasting or a real indication of the success of the relationship. Real connection takes time.
Far too often, people aren’t what they seem when you first meet them. This isn’t saying they misrepresent themselves, but rather, they are putting on a bit of a performance trying to be the ideal date. Maybe they tried really hard to be witty, or they were so nervous they could barely form a coherent sentence. Or maybe your date had a bad week and isn’t really trying to make a good impression. In other words, who you first meet isn’t necessarily the person you get in a relationship. It takes a few dates to peel away the layers and see if there is a connection.
In other words, we have to try and be more patient when we date. It’s not a race to the finish line, or looking for instant connection, or assessing someone’s worth as a potential spouse – instead, it’s a process. Like anything worth having in life, it requires time and effort. It requires something of you – namely, to leave yourself open to possibility and to take your time navigating your way, rather than trying to fight off the currents by rejecting as many candidates as possible to get to the “right one.” The right relationship happens thanks to two people willing to see where things might lead.