Contributed by: kellyseal on Wednesday, January 01 2014 @ 07:19 pm
Last modified on
By now, many of us are familiar with The Rules, a dating guide written several years ago that became the standard for women who wanted to "capture" a man. One of the main points made in the book is that women tend to make themselves too available, and the big secret to landing the man of your dreams is playing hard to get.
While we might have moved on from this advice in theory, many female daters still adhere to the "play hard to get" mantra, even subconsciously. Instead of letting a man know she's interested, some women play it cool and wait for the man to move the relationship forward. While women are willing to have sex, they are not so willing to share their feelings or let a man know they are falling in love.
After all, men don't want a woman who is too needy or relies on the relationship. He wants her to be mysterious, independent, and elusive. As soon as she admits her feelings, then he'll get scared and want somebody new. At least, this is the thinking behind the behavior.
While some guys enjoy playing a game of chase when they pursue a woman, many get incredibly frustrated. They don't know if she's really interested, and get tired of guessing. What are her intentions? Does she just want him to spend money on her, or does she really like him? Is she ready to get serious, or is he just a distraction from her ex boyfriend?
Sometimes we might not like to admit to ourselves that we've played games in our love lives. Have there been times when you dated a man you weren't all that interested in because you were lonely, or because he romantically pursued you? Or were there other times when you fell hard for him but refused to tell him how you felt? Instead, you opted for being fun, unattached, and sexy, hoping he'd want to "capture" you?
Did your relationship last? Were you happy and fulfilled? Likely not. When we play games, we're not being true to ourselves, and make it even harder to find love. After all, falling in love requires both people to be vulnerable, to be willing to get hurt. When you're playing games, you're essentially communicating that you don't want to get hurt. You just want to escape unscathed.
So the next time you're falling for a guy you met, or wondering what he's thinking, instead of playing games or trying to figure him out, try being honest. The worst that can happen is that he doesn't feel the same, and that's okay. Better to know sooner than later and move on to someone who reciprocates your feelings.