Contributed by: kellyseal on Wednesday, October 09 2013 @ 06:54 am
Last modified on
Building a relationship isn't as easy as it seems. It's wonderful to fall in love, to form a connection with someone. But eventually life brings some hardship and you might find yourself butting heads, arguing, and noticing every little annoying thing that your partner does. Because we're all human, we're also capable of making mistakes and not meeting our partner's expectations all the time.
Unfortunately, we don't always know how to communicate what we want or need to each other. So instead of talking things through, we might get defensive or critical and try to get the last word in rather than listening and reaching a compromise. Or sometimes, we might just give in to our partners and build up resentment over time. Neither situation is ideal.
So what is the best way to have your needs met while making sure your partner is satisfied, too? It all comes down to communication, which is almost an art form, especially in relationships. It's important to remember that you might have different opinions or expectations, and both are valid. Ignoring the needs of your partner or yourself won't serve the end purpose of satisfying both of you.
Following are some steps to take to effectively compromise, rather than compete:
Respect each other. If you don't respect your partner's needs and feelings then you aren't starting on a level playing field. Even if you disagree, there is value to how both of you feel. Acknowledge what you mean to each other. Reinforce your love and partnership, your willingness to keep an open mind.
Listen. There's nothing more important than listening to each other and keeping an open mind. When you fall into old patterns, assuming your partner will only react one way, you're limiting your options and outcomes. Instead, really listen to what he has to say. Ask questions without baiting. See how he really feels.
Acknowledge that you've heard. There's more to listening than just nodding your head. Repeat back what your partner has said. For example: "I understand you said..." This is because what we hear and what was said isn't always the same. It's important to understand your partner's motivations as well as your own.
Consider both of your ideal scenarios, then meet in the middle. Easier said than done sometimes. If you are able to compromise on something small, like how often you go out to dinner or who does the laundry, then you'll be able to tackle the larger issues, like whether or not to move to another city or change jobs.
What makes you happy? If you're the type to compromise in order to keep the peace or make your partner happy, you're not helping your relationship. It's important to know what you want and communicate it. If you don't, then you can't get upset when your partner doesn't make room for your wishes. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want. That's where compromise begins.