Contributed by: kellyseal on Monday, September 14 2015 @ 06:39 am
Last modified on
I know a lot of women who are attracted to men who have exciting careers. They envision dating someone successful, since they have achieved their own independence and success and want someone who strives towards the same goals. However, the men who have the exciting careers that they envision – chef, musician, studio executive, or city councilman, for instance – tend to be beholden to those careers and don’t put enough time into their relationships.
The problem isn't that most men and women have different priorities as far as career ambitions - but that their timing is not always in sync.
Many women, especially if they are interested in starting a family or getting married, crave more connection and time together with a partner, especially when men are trying to build their careers. They want to spend time with a new love interest. Men in demanding careers might crave chemistry and connection as well, but might not have the same priorities of starting a family or being so committed to a relationship. Instead, work might come first – even at the expense of a relationship.
What you have to ask yourself is: are you okay with this imbalance? Five or six months down the road, will you be content with your partner putting work ahead of you? Or do you want a more equally giving relationship? You have to be realistic about the type of person you are. If you are a workaholic who craves independence, then this is the type of relationship that will suit you. If however you are looking to create a life together, if you envision holidays and kids and spending time with each other’s families, you might have to rethink your decision, or come to some kind of compromise with your partner.
You can make a relationship work, even if you have different schedules when it comes to work. Even if you have differing career priorities. The point is you have to be honest with one another. You have to state your needs and be realistic about what is possible. If you are dating a politician, chances are, he will need to network, attend evening fundraisers, and generally be beholden to his constituents, which means less time for your relationship. If you are starting your own business and need weekends and evenings to build it, taking time away from your relationship, it’s important to know your partner is on board.
Most of us have some career ambitions, and that is a healthy thing. If you love what you do for a living, it drives you, gives you a goal to work towards, makes you feel fulfilled. Everyone deserves to pursue what it is they love. But we all have to be realistic about what is possible in terms of a relationship. If you are too busy to date someone more than once or twice a week, you probably shouldn’t be looking for a relationship. And if you are craving a successful partner, perhaps you should consider what you want out of the relationship outside of security or prestige.
Careers and relationships can happily co-exist. It’s just about compromise, timing, and being realistic about what you truly want.