Contributed by: kellyseal on Tuesday, April 08 2014 @ 07:06 am
Last modified on
Dating is meant to be fun, right? You’re meeting new people with the prospect of romance looming large. So why is it that more people feel frustrated and confused, considering how easy it is to meet new people?
A recent article in The New York Post interviewed young daters in Manhattan who are treating the dating process like another job – that is, they are scheduling their time to include meeting potential romantic partners as a key priority.
One young man made a list of everything he wanted to do to prepare for a date, and promised himself he’d go on at least two OkCupid dates per week. Another young woman declared that she would message five to seven men at any given time and reserve Monday through Wednesday nights for dates only. “I figured that if I went out with enough people, one of them was bound to go well,” she said. Many people share this mentality. They look at dating as a job or a difficult task, something to endure in the hopes that it reaps some reward.
They make wishlists of the ideal man or woman they desire, and then start comparing people to this ideal. They also compare their dates to each other, taking note of all the flaws. Dating becomes a numbers game – getting to the right person by eliminating the ones you think won’t meet your expectations. This means the more people you meet, the better your chances for meeting the “right” one.
But does going out with as many people as possible, interview-style mean that you will meet the right person faster?
The problem with treating dating like a job interview process – weeding out a long list of candidates who don’t seem to be the right “fit” for you – is that you can get lost in the process.
Dating shouldn’t be a job, it’s more intimate than that. If you approach it like this, or as a numbers game, then you’re missing the point. It’s more organic and nuanced – if you aren’t really paying attention to the people you’re meeting and instead just judging them based on what you perceive they lack – you aren’t getting the whole picture.
Since nobody dates without making mistakes, this can work against you – your dates will be judging you, too. Who can be honest and relaxed and truly themselves under such pressured conditions?
Instead of dating as many people as possible and driving yourself crazy with comparisons – ultimately that leave you feeling defeated after dates – try taking it one at a time. Plan a date to do something you both might like, rather than focusing on getting to know as much information as possible. Relax, and enjoy meeting people at your own pace rather than racing against the clock or your own self-imposed guidelines.