Contributed by: kellyseal on Wednesday, July 22 2015 @ 09:25 am
Last modified on
Introverts are a complex mix of emotions – and usually “still waters run deep” is an apt way to describe their reluctance to engaging fully in social situations. It’s not that they are boring, or that they don’t care – but social situations give many introverts some anxiety. Most prefer quiet evenings, just the two of you, or maybe a small dinner with a couple of friends.
But what if you like to be social – to say yes to all the parties in your circle of friends, even those where you only know one or two people? Or what if you hate being the center of attention and rely on others to carry the conversation – including your equally introverted date? It could make for a lot of indecision and some long, uncomfortable pauses in conversation.
If you’re dating an introvert, it can be a difficult process to get to know him, but it can also be rewarding. Introverts might need some extra down time after a party, or they might need a few days by themselves instead of going on dates or dinners with friends. It is part of how they recharge. If you are an extrovert, you often recharge by being around other people – it is what energizes you. With introverts, they need solitude, quiet, and contemplation to recharge. Success with dating an introvert depends entirely on what each of you can balance to make sure you meet each other’s needs.
Here are a few tips:
Don’t feel bad about going out by yourself. Introverts don’t want to hold anyone back – they simply like time on their own to recharge. If you feel the need to socialize a few times a week, let your date know that she doesn’t have to feel obligated to join you. It will give both of you more energy when you reconnect.
Let your date know how you feel. Sometimes extroverts (and introverts) have difficulty sharing their feelings in a relationship. It’s good to remind yourself to acknowledge how you feel to your date – that she makes you happy, that she is smart, funny, or kind, that she is beautiful. This will help your date to open up more to you, as many introverts have a guard up when it comes to love.
Check in with her. You might think things are going so well when you have fun at a party or dinner with friends, but perhaps he spent most of the evening in a corner feeling awkward or depressed about how it’s more difficult for him. Or maybe he thinks you weren’t paying any attention to him. Instead of getting defensive, check in along the way at parties or when you’re in a group of people. You might think things are fine, but an introvert likes to know that you are paying attention.