Contributed by: kellyseal on Wednesday, February 16 2011 @ 08:53 am
Last modified on
You’ve been out a few times with a man you find really attractive. You want to keep dating him and see the relationship progress, perhaps eventually even to marriage. More importantly, you don’t want to “mess things up” before they’ve even started. What do you do to keep his attention? Do you play it cool, pretending you’re not that interested? Or do you latch on and demand his affection?
The answer is, neither.
Many women (and men) make the mistake of starting a new relationship by playing games. Instead of just dating and getting to know each other, they make assumptions and act accordingly. For instance, if you think he’s a great catch, you might assume there’s a lot of competition for his affection. Maybe you keep yourself at a distance to make him “chase” you. Or perhaps you sleep with him right away, hoping to establish yourself as a girlfriend sooner than later.
The reality is, after a couple of dates, you don’t really know who he is. The act of dating helps you get to know him. Then you can make a better decision about whether he’s right for you, instead of assuming because he seems like a great catch or you have good chemistry that you’re automatically soul mates. When you get to know him instead of trying to “get” him, you allow him to get to know you as well. Instead of assuming who he is or how he can fit into your life, realize that he has his own thoughts, desires and opinions as well. He needs to get to know you, too. Connection works both ways.
The best method is to be honest, communicate (instead of playing it cool), and enjoy things as they progress without trying to control the outcome. Instead of holding his feet to the fire with premature questions like “do you want children?”, ask him about what he likes to do on the weekend. Have fun together. Dating is a time to reveal yourselves to each other and see if who he really is proves to be compatible with who you are. It’s not a race to the finish line, or a game to be won.
The important thing to remember is that dating and relationships aren’t under your control. Sure, we all like to see the relationship work out when we really like a man. But playing games and engaging with him only on your terms ends up turning him off before things get started.
Going forward, take the relationship one date at a time, and just relax. If he’s right for you, there’s nothing to worry about.