Contributed by: kellyseal on Sunday, March 17 2013 @ 08:11 pm
Last modified on
Break-ups can be devastating. Especially if you spent a long time together or have a shared history, friends, and social life. It requires courage to start again - to make new friends and to develop your own life as a single person.
So, it's not unusual if you find yourself wanting to go back to your ex. You're likely trying to recreate that old life that you feel nostalgic for - but is this a good idea?
You miss your old life.
While you might miss your old routines and mutual friendships, there's a reason you broke up in the first place. If you haven't thought about how you contributed to the decline of the relationship or what each of you could have done differently, you'll find yourself back in the same place again. Angry, frustrated, isolated, and wanting to call it quits. So instead of romanticizing how things used to be, do a reality check. Think about all the hard times as well as the good ones. Ask yourself why it ended, and why you want to return. If he broke things off, then ask yourself if you want to be with someone who doesn't put you first in his life. There is a reason you broke up, so don't romanticize the past.
You're good friends anyway.
Even if you and your ex stayed friends after the break-up, you do need time and distance to heal and move on. If you maintain a level of contact - calling and seeing each other - it will be harder for both of you to move on and start relationships with other people. If you're sharing intimate stories and moments with each other, how would you feel when he starts to date someone new? Boundaries should be drawn, so both of you can heal.
The emotional draw.
I have many friends who have broken up and gotten back together several times with an ex. And while it might be a highly emotional pull for some people who like the drama, often it's more tiring and confusing. But breaking off ties with a past love and moving forward also brings up a lot of fear in people - enough so that some find themselves staying even though they aren't happy. Do yourself a favor: take a step back and re-evaluate your relationship. Ask yourself: am I getting my needs met? Am I being treated how I'd like to be treated? Am I truly heard and understood? If you answered "no" to any of these questions, then you might want to examine what you really want in a relationship.
Remember, the only way to find the right person for you is to leave the wrong ones behind.