Contributed by: Jet on Saturday, January 08 2011 @ 09:12 am
Last modified on
I know someone, “Mary,” who likes to fill in everyone on the slightest romantic development. “I met someone at the mall!” “This guy left a promising message on my blog!” “I’m going out for coffee!” There’s nothing wrong with this, on the surface; Mary simply wears her heart on her sleeve, and likes to share her excitement with the world.
What she doesn’t like, however, is when she runs into someone she hasn’t seen in awhile (or maybe even a week), and they bring up the last bit of news they remember. “So,” they might ask, “how did coffee with that one guy go?” If it didn’t go well, Mary has to break the news. She often feels embarrassed, and angry - that they shouldn’t have brought it up unless she had. While she may be right on some of the finer points of etiquette, it raises an interesting issue: who should you tell about budding romances? And when?
The “who” might be simpler than it seems. I personally like a simple mantra for the beginning of a relationship (or even before, such as when you’re emailing or about to go on a date): “Don’t tell anyone you might feel embarrassed telling if you broke up.” This means your closest friends and family are fine, but you might want to wait a little on your co-workers.
It can be tempting to spill the details earlier than you intend when there’s someone obnoxiously interested in your love life. You know the kind: the person who always asks if you’re still single, or when you’re going to “settle down.” When that person asks with a smirk if you’ve had any dates lately, it’s quite natural to want to say, “In fact, yes! I’m meeting a great person for coffee later this week!” However, I urge self-control. Better to not give that kind of person any additional ammo, after all. Simply smile and say something along the lines of, “Oh, my social calendar’s far from empty,” if you must, but absolutely no details or timelines.
So when do you fill in everyone else? Individually, as it comes up. Bringing your date to the office holiday party? They’ll know then. Someone trying to set you up? “Sorry, I’m taken.” Even then, give minimal detail; if they were closer to you they’d know this sort of thing already. Otherwise, they might simply be trolling for gossip.
It can be tempting to shout your new relationship from the rooftops, but casually letting someone know when you’re established - and keeping mum when you’re not - will lead to meetings with acquaintances that are smoother and less awkward for everyone.