Contributed by: Jet on Saturday, August 11 2012 @ 09:37 am
Last modified on
When it comes to online dating, one of the biggest hurdles many have is learning to write a profile that’s confident. True, no one wants to appear like they’re bragging, but if you’re self-deprecating in your profile, no one will speak up to tell your readers just how awesome you really are. And the same is true of your first dates, right? Well... maybe not.
Here’s the thing: your online dating profile is your sales pitch. It basically tells everyone why you’re just so fantastic. On your first date, however, the primary goal is feeling out your compatibility - whether there’s a spark between the two of you, whether your personalities mesh well, whether you drive each other crazy. In short, it’s not all about you.
The problem comes when our nerves turn on. When asked tell her date about herself, Alice started rambling on, and then realized her words sounded vaguely familiar. She was reciting her online profile, almost word for word! By the suspicious look on her date’s face, she knew she wasn’t the only one who noticed the similarity. She wasn’t a scammer who had a limited script - she’d just spent so much time “pitching” herself in her own mind that it became her default mode.
Ask yourself: would you like to eat dinner with someone who was trying to sell you a car the entire time? Not likely. No one likes to hear a sales pitch when they’re just trying to get to know you. To avoid Alice’s plight, the number one thing to remember is that your date will have read your profile, perhaps several times - so unless they specifically ask, you don’t need to refresh their memory. Now, giving details, like responding to “Your trip to Venice looked amazing. Did you ride in a gondola?” is something entirely different, and encouraged.
The next best thing to remember is to relax! You’ve done the hard “sales work” already. You’re not trying to win a competition or do well on a job interview - you’re just seeing if you’re a good fit with another person. Ask questions, and actually listen to the answers. You’re not on stage, so don’t feel like you have to perform.
With these factors in mind, your dates will hopefully be more natural and less anxious. Again, remember that your profile has already done the hard work and gotten you to the first date. Now it’s time to relax and focus on the chemistry between you and your potential match!