Contributed by: Jet on Saturday, July 23 2011 @ 07:48 pm
Last modified on
Nearly everyone has had it happen to them once or twice: they meet an attractive person, who seems perfectly friendly. A great conversation ensues. Hopes are getting raised, and then you find out: they’re already taken. Why does it often seem that the “good ones” have been found first? Is it really as simple as all that?
Well, not necessarily. You’ve probably heard many times before that one of the greatest assets you can have is confidence - that it can literally make you look more attractive. When you’re already in a relationship, you’re not worried and nervous about making a good impression; you’re confident. Chances are, you’re also more comfortable in speaking with someone who you might otherwise be interested in. Without the romantic tension, your personality is free to come out. Confidence and animated, interesting conversation: two traits that are typically very desirable when you’re looking for a match.
There’s also the matter of a slight imbalance in perception. When you’re single, it’s easy to look at almost anything through the lens of a potential match; you’re trained to pick up certain signals that indicate a person is interested. When you’re already in a relationship, you might still be looking for friends - platonic ones. There shouldn’t be very much chemistry or tension, but most of the other signals are pretty much the same. I’ve heard friends say, “But he acted interested!” Well, maybe he was - just not in the same sort of relationship!
So, how can we use this knowledge to our advantage? Well, let it serve as an example of a few key concepts. First, it’s proof that being relaxed and confident really can make you more appealing; it’s a skill worth working on. Second, it just goes to show that there isn’t a world of different between friendship and romance; they’re both relationships. So why do we let ourselves get worked up about meeting someone new and attractive? As you go on your next date, remind yourself that you really are looking for a new friend - with extra chemistry. Perhaps it will help ease the nerves, and you will wind up being the one who’s confident and comfortable.