Contributed by: Jet on Friday, May 03 2013 @ 09:05 am
Last modified on
It’s not unusual to hear about outside pressure when it comes to dating - well-meaning friends and family who attempt to push you in the direction of one person or another, or who encourage you to date someone in whom you’re not all that interested. However, what you might not know is that it’s also common for the pressure to come from another source: yourself.
When you have that “spark” on a first date and your date is clearly feeling it as well, deciding on a second date is a no-brainer. But what about when the date isn’t particularly hot, but they’re not unattractive either? What about when there’s nothing “wrong” with them that you can pinpoint at all, even if you’re not sure you’re feeling it? What about when the two of you are completely compatible on paper? And what if your date seems interested in you?
That’s when the self-pressure comes in - those voices of fear that tell you this person may be your best, or only, shot at love. Or maybe you’re waiting for an excuse to call things off, but you don’t see anything particularly offensive... so you just keep going on dates because you think ending a relationship without an obvious reason is cruel.
The truth is, prolonging a relationship you’re not enjoying is actually what’s cruel. While rejection stings, it’s better to be free to continue the search than to waste time on a relationship that ultimately goes nowhere. And you’re doing as much as disservice to yourself as to your date.
“But wait,” you might be thinking. “Surely there are some people who need that extra time to really make a decision. Or maybe they have impossible standards to begin with and they never give anyone a chance.” That’s certainly true, and you find that, over time, no one “measures up” to your dream date, it’s worth exploring the possibility that the problem lies elsewhere. However, that doesn’t change the fact that whatever the underlying cause, you’re not doing your date any favors by prolonging the doomed relationship. If you have impossible standards, it’s up to you to work on them and change them, not a random date.
You don’t have to make a snap decision about a potential relationship, particularly if you know you tend to need a little extra time when it comes to big decisions. And sometimes relationships naturally start with a slow burn, while others begin strong and flame out fast. Only you will know what works for you and your date. But if it’s fear that’s keeping you from moving on, you’re probably not indecisive for the right reasons. There’s always the possibility of love out there; don’t let fear hold you back and impair your judgement.