When You Progress Beyond Tips and Tricks

Contributed by: Jet on Saturday, October 16 2010 @ 08:09 am

Last modified on

It's easy to learn tips and tricks when you start out in the world of online dating. After all, if conversation can be said to be an art, so too can online dating (it's just another form of social interaction, after all), and knowing a few tips can ease your way. However, it's easy to forget a simple fact: the goal for many of us in online dating is to form a long-term relationship. And for that, you need instinct as well.

After all, it might be easy for some to be smooth when it comes to small talk, but what about moving to that deeper level? For those Bigger Conversations, it's often better to trust your gut. Each and every relationship is a unique combination of people – what works for one relationship might not work for another.

That being said, that doesn't mean that you're completely adrift and alone once you get past the first date stage. You might be a completely unique combo, but that doesn't mean that listening to people who have been in similar situations, or even knowing some basic human psychology, can't be helpful. Still, there might be a point when you have to say, “I know that x has worked for other people, but I really think that y will work for my relationship.”

Without tips and tricks, what can help you learn to trust your gut? In a word: communication. The best thing about a relationship is that you're actually never adrift and alone – there's another person involved. The better you know your partner, the better you'll know what's appropriate, whether it's knowing when to lean in for that first kiss or talk about being exclusive.

When it comes to decisions within your relationship, you should never be the sole decision-maker. The more communication you have with your partner, the more you'll come to know the both of you. Then, when it comes to those Big Decisions (Should we get married? Should we move across the country?) you won't be going in blind and alone; you'll be together and informed.

Since there's a point in every relationship when tips and tricks aren't enough and you're forging your own path, does this mean tips are useless? Absolutely not. For many, the hardest part of a relationship is just finding the right person, getting through that first date, making that small talk. Making those awkward first moments smoother can be invaluable. It makes sense that the most research and thought would be put into these first meetings – because afterwards, theoretically, you already have a friend to help you along.

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