Contributed by: Jet on Tuesday, August 14 2012 @ 08:50 am
Last modified on
Finding someone who’s right for you can occasionally feel like house hunting. Don’t believe me? Consider:
You start out with a dream house in mind. Maybe it’s a dream you’ve had for years, shaped since childhood by your own experiences and what you longed for from other people’s homes. You feel like you’ve modified your expectations to reality - you know you’re not going to really get a castle in the clouds - but you’re still fairly sure you’ve got a good idea of what you want.
Then you start checking out what’s on the market, and grim reality sets in. You feel like the only ones you’d be interested in are way out of your price range. Maybe you got spooked by a house that looked like it was in great shape, but upon inspection was really rotting from the inside; now you view any attractive house with suspicion. It seems like no matter what you do, you’re going to be faced with compromises you don’t want to make.
Here’s where we back out of the allegory for a minute and I mention how dating is not like house hunting: when it comes to people, there is no such thing as a fixer-upper. Say it with me: with people, all commitments are as-is. If you go in thinking you can change the structural integrity of someone’s personality, you’ll probably only cause damage and cause yourself a world of frustration. Put that notion right out of your head.
Back to the house-buying world: things are looking bleak, and you’re reconsidering renting. Then you come across something entirely different. Sure, it’s not exactly what you had in mind - maybe it’s younger, or older, or in a different style. It’s not your dream house, and it’s not perfect. But something about it feels... right. Homey. And upon inspection, the house has good bones, a strong support system. It’s amazing that it hasn’t been snapped up already, really - is it just that others can’t see what you see? It might not be perfect, but it sure seems like the right fit for you.
See? Not so different after all. And as you peruse profiles and go on dates, bear these lessons in mind: that the right person for you might not be the dream you’ve held since you were a child, and they might not live in that castle in the clouds. Sometimes the ones you think seem like a good bet turn out to be absolutely frightening on the inside. But sometimes you find someone - who, though they may not be perfect, may have compromises involved - just feels like home. And because you’ve looked at so many disappointments, you now know what to look for, and you’re confident you’ve found the right one for you.