Contributed by: ElyseRomano on Tuesday, September 27 2011 @ 09:09 am
Last modified on
If you're old enough to be searching the Internet for dating advice, you're probably old enough to have outgrown bad habits like biting your nails and sucking your thumb.
But have you outgrown your bad relationship habits​? Are you even aware that they exist, or are they skulking in the shadows of your subconscious, sabotaging your relationships while you're blissfully ignorant of the havoc they're wrecking?
Where relationships are concerned, we are often our own worst enemies. We create problems where they don't exist, whether we're aware of it - and have no better strategy for getting out of a relationship that isn't working - or not.
Are the problems in your relationship an inside job? Are you undermining the success of your love life? Here are 2 common ways that people sabotage their relationships:
Letting insecurities ran rampant. We all have the occasional self-esteem slip, but it's dangerous to become defined by them. You know your insecurities have become a problem if you are unable to accept a compliment, or constantly find yourself wondering why your partner is with someone inferior like you. When you are controlled by your insecurities, you withdraw mentally, sexually, and emotionally from your partner, creating a rift in your relationship.
How to handle it: The first step is developing awareness. How are you feeling about yourself? How are those feelings affecting the people around you? Do you engage in a lot of negative-self talk, and encourage others to express opinions that corroborate your limiting beliefs about yourself? Explore your insecurities, both on your own and with your partner, and come up with strategies for eliminating them.
Keeping score. Relationships are a constant ebb and flow of give and take. Sacrifices that require you to continuously put someone else's needs above your own are unhealthy, but love does require compromise. If you're keeping a running tally of each and every give and take, however, the stability of your relationship is probably suffering. Keeping score - like "We went to the movies with your friends 5 times last month, and only once with mine!" - is almost always a sign that a larger problem is lurking below the surface.
How to handle it: If you find yourself keeping score, it's a sign that you're not feeling completely understood in your relationship. Ask yourself why this is happening and what you can do to fix it, and be prepared to make major life changes if you find that you're sacrificing too much. Consider the ways your partner may be making compromises for you that you've been unaware of and haven't shown appreciation for. Communicate honestly and maturely with your partner about your thoughts and feelings on the matter, and develop a plan of action for making you feel more appreciated and heard.