Contributed by: Erika on Friday, October 23 2009 @ 10:25 am
Last modified on
Having used various online dating sites for the past seven years, there’s really not a lot I haven’t seen come across my inbox. From winks from other women (daring, I applaud you) to hate mail, I’ve taken the time to read each and every message people have been brave enough to send my way. But I didn’t respond to all of them. Mostly out of a lack of time, but other times, there just wasn’t anything I could find to say that was…right. So, from a girl who has used online dating to all of you guys out there, here’s some insight as to why I didn’t email you back.
Grammar and usage. Anyone who took the time to read my profile will know that I’m a writer for a living. Grammar and usage are high on my list of “needs” from a partner. Granted, that’s not everyone’s strong suit. I get that. But when your email to me looks like you dropped the Manhattan yellow pages on your computer keyboard and hit “send,” I’m pretty unimpressed. If you’re not a great speller or even writer, take the extra minute to write your email in a word processing program (or even over in Gmail or Outlook) that has a spell check feature. Copy and paste the proofed email into the online dating site’s form and then click send. I’ll thank you a million times over! By not doing this, you’re telling me that you don’t respect what I do for a living. I’ll understand if you’re not Hemingway if you understand that I need you to understand the difference between “your” and “you’re.”
You criticized my passions. I’m an adventure athlete. I rock and ice climb and love alpine climbing and mountaineering. Being outdoors and active is in my blood and feeds my soul and over fifty percent of my online dating profile pictures showed me involved in one sport or another. It shocked me that I got emails time and time again from guys who wanted to knock what I was doing in my photos. Whether they thought it was too dangerous or they’d never feel comfortable if their wife was doing those things, I couldn’t believe they were poo-pooing what I love. While you might think you’re being protective and nurturing, women want men who will support their passions. You don’t have to always understand them – supporting them is enough for us!
You used a form letter. I don’t open junk mail. I don’t open letters if I don’t know the sender. It all goes in that big, silvery bin in my kitchen. Online dating form letters are the same. They’re easy to identify as they say nothing about me and are all about you. Heck, I can’t even tell if you read my profile or just thought I was pretty. Women and men alike want to feel special and singled-out for attention online, so why would you send anyone a cut and paste form letter? The emails that always caught my eye were those that talked about something specific in my profile like a movie I liked or a place I’d traveled. Take the time to let me know you read my profile and ditch the form letter. Sending an online dating form letter is like walking up to a group of three women at a bar and saying, “I’m really not picky and I don’t know what I like. Who’d like to marry me?”