Contributed by: Jet on Friday, October 15 2010 @ 08:45 am
Last modified on
I know of a neighborhood that decided to rip out their old community pool. It had been empty for years; kids were using it as a skate park. They ripped it out, but they didn't do anything to it afterwards. Now there was a gaping hole without a history, that turned into a mud pit when it rained. I don't think anyone thought it was an improvement.
When we attempt to wipe our own history, we wind up with tons of these; useless holes in the ground that are much more conspicuous than what was there before. What am I talking about? Past relationships. Most of us have them, and we know it's supposed to be bad form to talk about them, especially on a first date. But are there times when not talking about them could be even worse?
Picture this: you're on a date, and the new flame asks you where you learned to roll your own sushi. Well, the true answer is that your ex signed you up for a cooking masterclass. Other than that useful masterclass, it's all you really remember about the ex; it was a brief, almost meaningless relationship. Now, what would be a more appropriate response? Option A: “Oh, it was a birthday present from an ex, years ago.” Option B: “It was a birthday present from... uh... this person... never mind, it's a long story, and not very important.”
Of course, the best option would probably have been to mention the class was a present and leave it at that, but let's assume you had gotten your foot halfway into your mouth already. Option A works because, even though you've mentioned an ex, you're calm and not flustered, and presumably you'll move on to another topic. The new date will not be reading in some non-existent drama. By being able to mention an ex, you've asserted that you aren't hanging on to any baggage.
Now, this does not mean you should bring up exes for the fun of it! All those old rules still apply. But in a long, winding conversation, it's not uncommon to go tripping around those empty, sanitized holes in your history. The question is, what will you do when you stumble into one? Knowing a few escape tactics never hurts.