Contributed by: ElyseRomano on Monday, May 02 2011 @ 08:12 am
Last modified on
We've already discussed 4 reasons some scientists believe that monogamy is the right choice for human relationships - now it's time to take a look at a few of the arguments for nonmonogamy.
Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha, authors of a new book called "Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality," looked at the soaring divorce rate, the rising numbers of single parents, and the success of industries like couples therapy, and decided that something was terribly wrong with relationships in America. Their theory about the origin of this disaster is simple: "From a biological perspective, men and women simply aren't meant to be in lifelong monogamous unions." Ryan and Jetha offer evidence from the worlds of archaeology, biology, physiology, and anthropology in favor of embracing our nonmonogamous history:
1) Nonmonogamy is our natural state - monogamy only became important as property became a part of human lives. The advent of agriculture, about 10,000 years ago, changed human society forever. "Property wasn't a very important consideration when people were living in small, foraging groups where most things were shared, including food, childcare, shelter and defense," Ryan told Salon.com[*1] . Sexuality was also shared, and paternity was not an issue. As agriculture began to play a larger and larger role in human lives, however, men began to worry about whether or not children were biologically theirs, so that they could leave their accumulated property to their biological children after their deaths. Monogamy was just an easy way to guarantee that a man was the biological father of the children he was raising.
2) Having multiple partners is biologically advantageous. In pre-agricultural times, multiple men would mate with one woman. Afterwards, her reproductive system would distinguish which sperm cells were most compatible with her genetics, resulting in the healthiest possible child.
3) Humans are built to seek out novelty. Humans evolved to be sexually responsive to novelty, making a lifetime of blissful monogamy a difficult prospect. Genetically, humans are programed to seek out new partners (known as the Coolidge effect) and are less responsive to familiar partners (the Westermarck effect). Ancient humans were motivated by this drive to leave their small hunter-gatherer societies in favor of joining other groups, thereby avoiding incest and providing genetic variety and strength to future generations.
4) It's just plain unrealistic to expect that someone will only be attracted to one partner for the rest of their lives. Monogamy is a valid relationship choice, but deciding to follow a monogamous path doesn't mean that you will never feel the desire to have sex with other people again. It is unfair that modern society makes people feel like failures for looking at or fantasizing about someone other than their partners. Curiosity is just human nature.
Despite Ryan and Jetha's compelling research in favor of nonmonogamy, they do not believe that monogamy is unsustainable: "Lifelong sexual monogamy is something we can certainly choose, but it should an informed decision," says the FAQ on their Web site. "We're not recommending anything other than knowledge, introspection, and honesty... What individuals or couples do with this information (if anything) is up to them."