Contributed by: ElyseRomano on Friday, October 15 2010 @ 08:51 am
Last modified on Wednesday, May 24 2023 @ 11:45 am
"Two weeks ago, I checked the Internet history on my partner's computer. I know it was wrong, but I couldn't help myself! Now I'm glad I did, because I discovered that they've been going to chat rooms to have sex with other people online, and using online dating sites to have real life affairs. What can I do? How did this happen?"
Sound familiar? There's a good chance this is either your story, or the story of someone you know. The online dating boom has brought millions of happy couples together but, thanks to sites on which members identify themselves as "married but that shouldn't matter" and sites dedicated to extramarital affairs like Married Men Seeking Women and the infamous Ashley Madison[*1] , it's broken just as many apart.
Online infidelity comes in many shapes and sizes. Some cheaters favor affair-specific sites, while others gravitate towards using social networking sites to connect with friends and former lovers. Others engage in cybersex in chat rooms, flirt in forums, or seek out no-strings-attached hook ups with strangers on adult personals sites.
Discovering that a significant other has cheated is devastating. If you find yourself the victim of online infidelity, do not feel guilt over your partner's actions and do not blame yourself for the betrayal. It's easy to assume that unfaithfulness is the result of a dubious sense of morality, a hyperactive sex drive, or what you perceive as your own inadequacies or deficiencies, but the causes of infidelity are often not what they appear to be. Some common causes are:
In many cases, a significant other's cheating does not stem his or her feelings about you, but is instead a reflection of how the cheating partner feels about him- or herself. Examples of this include:
Feeling That One Is Either Inadequate Or Superior. Cheaters who feel that they are not worthy of their partners are often unfaithful with people they perceive as having a lower value than themselves because they feel they do not deserve their higher-value partners. Conversely, people who consider themselves superior to their significant others often feel that they have settled, and that they deserve to have affairs in order to be with worthier partners.
Taking The Coward's Way Out. Unfaithful partners occasionally use infidelity as an excuse to end unsatisfactory relationships when they do not have the courage to deal with the problem in a mature, forthright way.
Jealousy. A partner who spends too much time at work or with friends may make their significant other feel ignored or unimportant. Cheaters who feel that they are not receiving the attention and affection they need or deserve justify their infidelity by claiming that it allows them to fulfill emotional needs that are not being met in their primary relationship.
The definition of cheating varies from person to person, so the key to avoiding online infidelity is to know where to draw a line that suits each unique relationship. Couples must talk openly about the subject to decide what they feel comfortable with and what ground rules must be made. Always err on the side of caution - it's better to be safe than sorry! - and avoid entering into any online relationships that you feel would hurt your partner if revealed.