Contributed by: ElyseRomano on Sunday, August 26 2012 @ 07:05 am
Last modified on
When I was a kid, struggling with my math homework, my dad used to tell me arithmetic is his favorite subject because there is always a right answer. It's simple: memorize a formula, plug in the numbers, get the solution. There is no guesswork like there is with an essay on the meaning behind an Austen novel or a Shakespearian sonnet.
I used to think relationships were like those sonnets (after all, isn't that why there are so many sonnets written about them?), but it turns out my dad may have been onto something with relationships, too. Once I'd gotten a few breakups under my belt, I realized that - believe it or not - there's a formula for breakup success.
Rule #1: It's always a bad time to break up, so just do it. I've heard a lot of excuses for delaying a breakup, from "It's the holidays" to "But they have an exam coming up, and I don't want to distract them from studying!" Sure, those excuses sound considerate on the surface, but delaying a breakup that you know is inevitable is never the considerate thing to do. In the long run, putting it off only makes the breakup harder and the fallout worse.
Rule #2: Proceed at the pace of the person with the shortest legs. What does that mean? It means that if the person you just dumped doesn't want to talk to you, respect their need for space. Don't try to force contact when they need time alone to heal. And if you're the one who needs the time alone, don't feel obligated to stay in contact with your ex if you don't feel ready for it. Friendship can happen in time, if that's what you both want, but there's no need to rush it.
Rule #3: Restraint is a virtue. Dumpers: there's no need to go into hurtful detail about why you ended the relationship. Some things are better left unsaid. Dumpees: there's no need to ask things you may not want to hear the answers to. Some things are better left unknown.
Rule #4: You are now the most important person in your life - treat yourself that way. So your relationship is over. That sucks. But it also has a good side: you now have a chance to give #1 some much-needed TLC. It's easy to neglect your needs when you're in a relationship, but tending to the needs of someone else shouldn't mean forgetting to tend to your own. Look at the end of a relationship as a liberating time, when you have the opportunity to do what you want and a new love is waiting on the horizon.
Will the formula make your breakups easy? No, nothing can do that, but it will definitely you're your breakups better.