Contributed by: ElyseRomano on Sunday, June 16 2013 @ 10:27 am
Last modified on
It's irrational, but it's true: sometimes the people we care about the most are the ones we treat with the least amount of respect, care, and attention.
In fact, some psychology studies have even proved that there's truth to the saying "Familiarity breeds contempt." One[*1] such study came to the conclusion that, on average, we like other people less the more we know about them. As we learn more information about another person, the likelihood increases that we will uncover a trait about the person that we dislike. And once we've discovered one disagreeable trait, we're more likely to find others.
All this brings up one big question: if we tend to dislike people the more we get to know them, how can long-term relationships possibly work?
In long-term relationships, this problem presents itself not as contempt, but as slipping into mindless habits and behaviors. When we feel secure in our relationships we feel less need to "make an effort," and that in turn leads to resentment from neglected partners who feel they're being taken for granted.
The key to hitting the brakes on the negative cycle is to "make an effort" again through gratitude, attentiveness, and affection. Gary Chapman's The 5 Love Languages[*2] is a guide to showing love and appreciation for your partner. Though the author's focus on heterosexual, monogamous marriage through a Christian lens is limiting, his ideas are solid and can be applied to any kind of relationship.
The five ways to give and receive affection are:
Talk with your partner about the love languages you both prefer speak. The more you know about how to create positive connections between each other, the stronger your relationship will be.