Contributed by: Jet on Sunday, September 04 2011 @ 06:42 am
Last modified on
A relationship is a balancing act between two individuals, two unique personalities. However, when we talk about people who are in the “wrong” kind of relationships - those that are literally bad for them - our reasoning is very self-oriented: low self-esteem, for example, or deep-seated issues from childhood. It begs the question: could the biggest “trick” to finding the right person be to actually focus on yourself?
Well, yes and no. No one’s perfect, and it’s entirely possible that one could have habits or patterns of behavior that are, in some small way, destructive. However, that doesn’t always mean that they’re literally keeping you from finding the right person, or keeping you from being happy in a relationship. The human mind is an amazing thing, and we perform amazing balancing acts on a regular basis. Even if you do have something you might want to work on, it’s entirely possible that your brain compensates for it the majority of the time.
However, there’s nothing wrong with a little self-awareness and reflection, or even outside professional help. Because the brain is so amazing and complicated, sometimes it takes a third-person perspective to make connections between apparently unrelated things. And even if there’s not anything directly affecting your love life negatively, it’s never a bad thing to get your priorities in order and better understand who you are and what you need.
Of course, once we’ve gotten our self-esteem raised and our issues worked out, we always come back to the basic truth of a relationship: that it’s between two people, with two personalities, two distinct histories. Self-reflection doesn’t necessarily help you relate to other people - or does it? Understanding how you cope and react to stress might give you insight into how others behave. If your own hang-ups are out of the way you can better focus on the big picture. If your self-esteem is intact you won’t put up with unacceptable behavior.
It’s easy to feel helpless in the world of dating; you’re dependent, waiting for someone else to come along, or to email you back, to share that spark. But that doesn’t mean there’s nothing you can do in the meantime. As any negative relationship will show you, the destiny of a relationship often starts with the self - so why not set yourself on a positive path?