Contributed by: Jet on Saturday, July 07 2012 @ 08:48 am
Last modified on
Dating can be filled with pressure; that’s no surprise to anyone. There’s the pressure to find the “keeper” as soon as possible, and the pressure to “settle down.” There’s pressure about being the “best version” of yourself to maximize your attractiveness. There can even be pressure to be mentally healthy and happy, so that you can better identify a good match and avoid past mistakes.
With all these sources of tension - most of which are actually self-inflicted - who wants to deal with the expectations of someone outside your relationship? And yet, many of us accept these additional boundaries without question - because they come from our friends and family.
For many, it’s not just enough to find someone they love and with whom they get along well; finding someone their friends or family approve of is of equal importance. I’ve known people who have seriously considered ending an otherwise happy relationship because their significant other came from “the wrong side of the tracks” or because they thought their partner would never fit in with their family culturally.
Let’s think about why the approval of others might be so important. Perhaps their approval and respect is linked to love in the minds of some; they feel that if they aren’t making those they love “proud,” they won’t receive love. However, the fact is, often our friends and family love us unconditionally; what’s most important to them is our happiness. Anyone who makes us so happy can’t be too bad, after all. And if friends and family are really more worried about status or their own social comfort... well, they don’t have our best interests in mind, do they? So why let it affect us?
It can be terribly heartwrenching to feel like you have to choose between your new love and your friends or family. But remember: choosing someone for a long-term commitment is essentially choosing the person you may be seeing every day for the rest of your life, or with whom you even start a family. Do you really want to settle for someone who’s less of a fit? You may find that standing up for love will have better results than you expected.