Contributed by: kellyseal on Saturday, July 30 2011 @ 08:20 am
Last modified on
You've been dating for a few months, and find yourself really falling for your new guy. However, you're weary because of a bad habit or two that have gotten you into trouble with previous boyfriends. You don't want this relationship to share the same fate. Don't fret, there's always an opportunity to do things differently with each new relationship. Following are some of the most damaging habits to be aware of, along with how to curb them.
Nagging. Sure, you know what you want and how you'd like to be treated. And perhaps your guy isn't living up to your standards. But constant reminders of what he's doing wrong or what he should be doing don't make headway in relationships. Instead, try finding something he does that you enjoy, and praise him for his efforts. He will be more willing to please you if you show him that he is appreciated.
Silent treatment. If this tactic hasn't worked well for you in the past, it's certainly not going to work now. If you play games by refusing to speak to him, letting him guess what you want or what upset you, this is a guaranteed path to a dysfunctional relationship. Be honest with yourself and with your guy: if something really bothers you, he deserves to know what it is so he can make changes or talk to you about it. Keeping silent only hurts you and the relationship.
Lack of trust. Have your boyfriends cheated on you in the past? It's time to leave those feelings of anger and betrayal aside and make room for your new relationship. Give your new love the benefit of the doubt and stop questioning where he's been, who he's been with, or anything else that plays on your suspicions. Healthy relationships need room to breathe, so give yours the space it needs and see if it flourishes.
Holding grudges. While our emotions can get the better of us, especially when we're upset or hurt, holding a grudge doesn't solve any problems. It makes the situation worse. Instead of seething in your anger, talk to your boyfriend and let him know what's bothering you. Give him a chance to explain and really listen, rather than trying to justify your own hurt feelings. If you can't calm down enough to have a real conversation, go for a walk, call a friend, or do something that allows you to blow off some steam first. Then it is your responsibility to start the conversation.