When we break up with someone, we separate ourselves physically, emotionally and mentally. For some, it's harder to move on than others. Healing after a break-up is hard work, and though some of us prefer never to see our exes again, others continue to wonder if there might be another chance in the future to make things work.
So, what happens if you get a second chance with a former beau?
Before you jump in head first, anxious to rekindle that old flame, you should ask yourself a few questions:
- How have you changed? Break-ups generally force you to grow in ways you didn't expect. You have a better sense of who you are and what you want from life. Instead of reverting back to old romantic patterns, take a hard look at who you are now, and whether the new you would be compatible with your old flame.
- How has he changed? Maybe he wasn't the best communicator, or perhaps he was a bit selfish. Think about why you broke up with him the first time around, and see if he is still exhibiting the same patterns. If you don't see a change in behavior, chances are you'll end up having the same conflicts.
- Recognize your own behavior patterns. Even if you feel like a new woman in the presence of your ex, do you find yourself falling into old habits? Maybe you were hesitant to express what you needed from him, or maybe you had a tendency to get jealous. If you find yourself triggered by these emotions again and falling into old patterns, reconsider getting back together.
- Why did you break up in the first place? If you couldn't compromise on your religious viewpoints, or if you broke up because you noticed disrespectful behavior or something more serious, you shouldn't assume he has changed. There was a reason you broke up before. If these differences still exist, it's probably not a good idea to engage again in a relationship.
- Do you have a future together? Even if you have amazing chemistry with a man, it doesn't mean he's right for you. It's important to discuss your goals and future early on, to make sure you're on the same page.