Contributed by: kellyseal on Thursday, January 19 2012 @ 02:50 pm
Last modified on
Have you found yourself thinking recently about "the one who got away?" If so, you might also be toying with the idea of getting back together. But is this a good idea?
Many people feel nostalgic for past relationships, especially when there's a lull in their love lives. They long for the sense of love and companionship that they once had, maybe because they're having a hard time finding it again. The movie "Young Adult" discusses this controversial topic in an interesting way, with a woman in her thirties determined to get back her high school boyfriend, even though he's happily married and expecting a child.
I'm hesitant to tell anyone that it's a good idea to get back together with an ex. Usually, there's a reason you broke up (regardless of who initiated things) - and there were problems that one or both of you felt you couldn't overcome together. Sometimes, absence makes the heart grow fonder, but when it comes to exes, it's murkier territory. You might still have feelings, but are they based in the present, or in what you want to feel again based on the past - or even what's currently lacking in your own life?
Instead of dwelling on what might have been, a healthier approach is to focus on what you want. If you desire companionship or passion, envision it with someone new. Picture the relationship you want to have.
Perhaps you were the one to break things off, and now you're regretting your decision. Maybe you've seen him with his new girlfriend and you're feeling jealous. Whatever the case, there is a reason you broke up. Something in your relationship wasn't working. Perhaps the timing was off, or you weren't ready for a commitment. This means that the relationship wasn't meant to last, so don't beat yourself up for making a mistake, or try to insert yourself back into your ex's life just because it suits your needs right now.
If he broke up with you, don't second-guess his motivations or what he might want. If he calls from time to time feeling nostalgic for you and wanting to talk, don't indulge this pattern. Think about your future and creating intimacy with someone new. If you still have feelings for him, don't try to be friends. Give yourself time and space to heal.
Most importantly, remind yourself that it's okay to move on and meet the person who is right for you. And this time, you'll be ready.