Contributed by: Jet on Wednesday, May 22 2013 @ 09:20 pm
Last modified on
Writing a first-contact email can be the most nerve-wracking part of online dating. For some people, it’s even more scary than the first date - so much so, that they don’t even do it! Instead, they sit back and hope that someone else will contact them first. Most of us, however, don’t have the patience and want to be active in our destinies; the first-contact evil is something we must conquer.
The main issue is one of tone. Is what I’ve written too casual? Too stilted and formal? Greeting someone like an old friend feels presumptuous; it’s a technique salesmen use and while it may throw us off-guard, we don’t tend to like it very much. On the other hand, an overly formal invitation to view the author’s profile feels like it should arrive sealed with a blot of wax. How do we strike the right balance?
The answer is to try reading your email aloud. Imagine that you’re approaching someone at a bookstore, or a cafe. Would you walk up to them with a “Yo” or a “Many pardons for the interruption, I beg the favor of your eyes and ears for the briefest of moments”? Nope, neither are likely winners. Instead, you’d probably aim for something simple and polite to grab their attention, and ask a question to get a conversation going.
That’s literally all that is needed in a first-contact email. No declarations of love or lust, no tricks or lines; keep it simple, polite, and friendly. Ask a question about something from their profile, so they know you haven’t copied and pasted the email to dozens of others. It’s as simple as that.
The only part that requires a little creativity is the subject line. Inboxes are full of “hey,” “hello” and “hi.” If you have a cheesy line inside you that’s aching to get out, this is probably the only place it could possible be appropriate. A quote, a comment about the profile, or even another question are all possibilities; you have to figure out what resonates with you. And if you’re stuck, try asking yourself what you’d like to see in your inbox.
A first-contact email doesn’t have to follow ancient rules of discourse - or at least, none in addition to what we use in person every single day. Read that email aloud to make sure it flows naturally. If you require more than three breaths to do so, it might already be too long. Keep everything short, sweet, simple and fun, and you might find that writing a first-contact email isn’t nearly as daunting as you thought.