Contributed by: kellyseal on Wednesday, January 02 2013 @ 01:41 pm
Last modified on
When starting a new relationship, it's easy to get lost. You want to spend all your free time with your new love, and friendships and family often get neglected. Perhaps even your own needs get neglected too, especially if you're fighting to make a relationship work.
So what can you do to preserve yourself - and your own identity, friends, and social connections - in the midst of love?
Try these steps:
Set goals for yourself. It's important to pursue individual goals as well as goals that you have as a couple. We all have a sense of purpose, and if we neglect our own to support a boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse, we're going to build up frustration and resentment. Establish your own goals - career or otherwise - and make them a priority. Give yourself a timeline or schedule if you must, but be sure to keep working toward them.
Make time for your friends. Schedule meet-ups with your friends in your calendar, and don't cancel them to make room for your love's plans. You had your own friendships before you met him, and it's important to maintain those bonds. He will understand - don't stop living your own life to be with him.
Speak up. Is there something that bothers you, or that you want to say? No matter how big or how small the request - wanting to choose the restaurant next time, or telling him how frustrating it is when he is watching TV while you're trying to talk, or making a decision about how much money you're each going to put away in a retirement plan, say what you want to say. Don't take a back seat to his or her opinion. Be sure to state your own wants and needs in any relationship.
Know your limits. It's important to be able to set limits in any healthy relationship so you can manage your expectations as well as your partner's. Know what you can tolerate before you start feeling stressed or angry or even uncomfortable. You're not always going to get along, so it's good to navigate feelings of frustration and learn what works best for each of you.
Don't avoid confrontation. It's good to listen and engage with each other, especially if you differ on something that is important to you. Talk it out. There's no need to blame or be aggressive. Just be open to talk about both of your needs and really listen to what the other person has to say. This way, you can come to a good compromise.