Contributed by: Jet on Wednesday, November 07 2012 @ 09:54 am
Last modified on
Whether we realize it or not, many of us have a distinct “type” to which we tend to be attracted. It might be something physical - broad shoulders, dark hair, petite build - but often it’s more a cultural or personality type - the athlete, the quiet, studious type, the counter-cultural guy in black. When we see someone who fits our “type,” without necessarily realizing it, we take a second look.
Many people try to resist the idea that they have a type; they want to be as open-minded as possible to what may cross their path. And to be sure, that’s not a bad idea; no one wants to miss out on a possible match because they’re only focused on one kind of person. But being aware of your type can be helpful, too.
For example, maybe you tend to be attracted to something that, time and again, doesn’t actually work for you. Once you become aware and accepting of this fact, you can start to try to figure out why, and maybe break out of your rut.
Still, having a “type” doesn’t have to be a negative. Quite often it doesn’t represent anything deeper than that it’s what you’re drawn to. Some have always preferred Clark Kent, others have always preferred Superman. The key, then, is recognizing you prefer a Clark Kent - and then figuring out how best to seek him out.
This is where custom searches can come in handy. If you know you tend to prefer women who are romantic and traditional, think about what that sort of person might like in terms of, say, music and movies, and adjust your searches accordingly.
“Okay,” you might say, “but though I know the person I’d like probably likes action flicks, they aren’t actually my favorites. What can I email about?”
First, start with your searches. Find profiles of people in whom you’re interested. Then, read over their profiles. Chances are, there are other reasons you’re interested in them - you do probably have common interests, even if it’s not how you found them. Email about those. Barring that, ask them something about their profile; you’re not required to list all your common interests at first contact.
Remember that the ultimate goal is to find someone with whom you’re ultimately compatible. Sometimes that means common interests. Sometimes, though, you’re simply drawn to each other. There’s nothing wrong with contacting someone who catches your eye, no matter what the reason - you can figure out if you share chemistry, and long-term compatibility, as it becomes relevant.