Why Online Dating Can Feel Like Finding Love In The Stone Age

Contributed by: ElyseRomano on Monday, May 30 2011 @ 08:04 am

Last modified on

Is your idea of true love a handsome prince riding up on a white stallion to sweep you off your feet?

If so, you might want to adjust your ideas of romance before looking for love online. According to a recent article written by Brenna Ehrlich and Andrea Bartz for CNN[*1] , "online dating is the freaking savanna. Circa 2 million years ago. As in, early humans tearing around the open grasslands without much regard for courtship courtesy." In other words: if you're expecting a Disney fairytale when you join an online dating site, you'd better toughen up or log off.

When we turn to the Internet to find love, write Ehrlich and Bartz, "out come all our animalistic instincts: We refuse to give a second look to those who don't meet our physical requirements, rudely ignore those we don't find worthy and generally let our ids run wild." The World Wide Web is not for the faint of heart. For the more sensitive among us, online dating can be a harsh, cruel world - but that's no reason to give up on it all together.

Ehrlich and Bartz offer the following advice for easily offended online daters:

  • If you send a message to someone you're interested in and they never respond... It hurts. Rejection always does. But it's not the end of the world. When you're forced to suffer through the silent treatment, remind yourself that the person who rejected you is someone you've never even met. They might be a jerk. They might be a loser. They might hate your all-time favorite band. You know next to nothing about them, and they know almost nothing about you, so ultimately nothing is lost, even if you feel sad for a little while.
  • If you've exchanged several messages back and forth with someone and seem to have a genuine connection, then they suddenly go MIA... Check their profile. Are they still logging on, or have they abandoned the Internet completely? In the case of the first option, review your recent communications with them. Were you dull, pushy, needy, or creepy? Consider the experience a lesson in what-not-to-do, and make up for your mistakes with the next person. In the case of the second option, Erhlich and Bartz suggest telling yourself a story, like "Maybe she met someone great! Good for her," and moving on. In either case, don't waste your time continuing to message someone who has gone radio silent. Browse profiles for a new potential paramour to woo.

If you don't think you're up to the task of navigating the wild world of online dating armed only with a keyboard and all the self-confidence you've got, it's time for a reality check: "online dating could benefit from a protocol overhaul in terms of courtesy, but begging everyone to change the rules this late in the game would be stupid." So if you can't beat the cavemen, join them - club your pick over the head and drag them back to your online dating den. Whatever happens in the privacy of your own cave is up to you.

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[*1] http://edition.cnn.com/2011/TECH/web/04/14/online.dating.netiquette/index.html