On Boosting Confidence And Building Charisma

Contributed by: ElyseRomano on Wednesday, October 13 2010 @ 09:01 am

Last modified on

If I asked you to name five traits that make a woman attractive, what would you say?

If I asked you to list five traits that make a man attractive, what would your answer be?

Attraction is extremely subjective, so I imagine that the responses will be tremendously varied. Some of you will answer that you prefer dark hair and intelligence, while others will be partial to redheads with sarcastic senses of humor. Some of you will be attracted to the "bad boy" and "party girl" types, while others will be looking for responsible, long term partners they can settle down with. Some will be partial to left-brained people, some will favor right-brained people. Some will like facial hair, some will not. Some will like tall women, some will not. Some will like creative, artsy types, some will not.

What I'm getting at is this: no matter how subjective attraction is, one trait will show up on almost every list. Confidence.

Desirable people, regardless of gender, are self-assured, courageous, and extroverted. They are willing to take risks and unafraid of making mistakes. They dream big and have the motivation, enthusiasm, and dedication it takes to make those dreams reality.

So how do you become that person? How can you boost your confidence and build your charisma so that you are the kind of person everybody wants?

  1. Have realistic expectations. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither is confidence. Set small, achievable goals and work towards them at a comfortable pace. If you've always been shy or socially awkward, it's ok to take baby steps and celebrate small successes. Evaluate your growth every couple of weeks, and set new objectives after reviewing your progress.
  2. Fake it 'til you make it. That might sound like trite advice, but trust me - it's enormously effective. If you act confident, other people will believe that you are. And the more other people believe that you are, the more you will too. Though your faux self-assurance might feel contrived, embarrassing, and awkward at first, keep at it! As you begin to see the positive effects of your new behavior and fresh mindset, they will become increasingly natural responses.
  3. Overcome limiting beliefs. Men and women everywhere are weighed down by negative thoughts about their physical appearance, skills, intelligence, abilities, and self-worth. Every time you catch your mind thinking something limiting about yourself, take a moment to end that train of thought and replace it with something positive. Your actions will not change until your mindset does.
  4. Turn the quest for self-improvement into a game. Set goals like "I must make eye contact with everyone I speak to today" or "I will smile at 20 strangers I see on the street this afternoon." If you meet your goals, treat yourself to dinner at your favorite restaurant. If you don't, clean the bathroom you've been avoiding for the past two weeks.

Above all, don't take yourself too seriously. You will make mistakes on occasion, but who cares? Even the most self-assured, successful people slip up sometimes. Accept that you have blundered, learn from the experience, and get on with your life. It's how you deal with the situation that really demonstrates your confidence.

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