Contributed by: Jet on Monday, April 12 2010 @ 08:47 am
Last modified on
Most of the time I advise people who begin online dating to be wary of becoming addicted to the gambling aspect of it: the tendency to give up a good thing just because you're thinking something even better could still be out there, someone truly perfect. However, there's a trap to avoid at the other end of the spectrum as well: settling for the first decent person you find.
Everyone understands that the dating scene can be grim, and we've all heard the horror stories of online dating: the people that don't match their photographs, or manage to keep their completely offensive personalities out of their profiles. Thus, it can be something of a surprise when we finally meet someone who does match their pictures, who doesn't appear to have anything outwardly wrong with them, either in appearance or personality.
It's far easier to meet “nice people” through online dating than the horror stories would have us believe – and that's where the hard part begins. You see, there are many, many nice people out there. That doesn't mean you'll want to date or enter into a relationship with all of them – nor should you feel pressured to. There's still the all-important component of chemistry, and if you're lacking that, you're not only denying yourself, but your “nice person” partner a better match.
A friend of mine recently went on a first date with a guy she'd been talking to online. Everything about him seemed great: he had an interesting, exciting job, they had many things in common, he was pretty cute in his pictures. And when they met, he was still all of those things... but everything about the guy – the way he moved, spoke, his voice, his facial expressions – reminded my friend of her brother. It was uncanny. And when she ultimately decided the whole thing was just too weird, she faced a good deal of pressure from other friends and family. “Maybe he'll grow on you,” they said.
Yes, many relationships do develop over time, but if there's just no spark there – or worse, a visceral negative response – you're doing a disservice to the both of you in staying in a relationship you don't really want. Yes, maybe your date is a really nice person; in that case, they'll probably have no trouble finding someone else who recognizes their good qualities – and has chemistry with them to boot.