Contributed by: kellyseal on Monday, October 03 2011 @ 10:49 am
Last modified on
Dating is often confusing. When you are attracted to someone who seems interested at first but then pulls away for no apparent reason, it can be maddening. You wonder: Did I say something wrong? Did I do something offensive?
And other times, a date can act flirtatious one minute and then cool the next, and you're left wondering how they really feel about you.
When your date is giving you mixed signals, what does s/he really want, and how can you know? Should you pursue or move on? Following are some tips for determining what's really going on.
For men:
My first suggestion is, a woman sending mixed messages might have been interested in you, but then you said or did something that turned her off. So be honest with yourself: did you come on too strong? Did you treat her disrespectfully? Did you make fun of her, or criticize her appearance? On many occasions, men think they are being charming or funny but women can take comments or gestures the wrong way. So pay attention. And don't try to provoke her if she rejects you or turns cool toward you. Instead of trying to be playful and flirtatious, just walk away. If she's still interested, she'll let you know.
Or, she could be playing hard to get. As much as I hate to admit it, "The Rules" are still followed in today's dating world. Many women feel that if they act distant or uninterested in a man, it will cause him to want to pursue her even more. Unfortunately, I think this only sends more confusing messages to daters. My advice: be honest with her if you're really interested. If she continues to keep her distance or acts cool, then let her go. If she really wants to pursue a relationship with you, she will call back.
For women:
When men send mixed messages, it likely means they aren't interested in anything serious. If a man thinks you're moving forward too quickly or asking for a commitment when he doesn't want one, this can cause a breakdown of communication. A man can disappear and reappear if he feels like he's being suffocated. So give the relationship a little time and space to develop naturally. If you have been going out for a while and he still doesn't know what he wants, then maybe it's time to move on to someone who does.
Another possibility is that he could be playing games. Some dating books advise men to play "hard to get" because women are attracted to men who are mysterious and confident. Or perhaps some men have found that this behavior was successful in past relationships. Regardless, you have to ask yourself if it's worth putting up with the emotional roller coaster ride to go out with this kind of man. In my opinion, save your emotions for someone who's willing to be more honest in his approach.